Oops
by michaelsuave
Summary: Go back to the beginning, that was the plan. Stop Voldemort on the cusp of becoming a dark lord, stop him before he created his first horcrux and change history before it could be written. That was the plan, only Harry made a mistake.
1. Chapter 1: Checklists Are Important

Oops, Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money off this in any way. That should do it for a disclaimer.

**AN: Ok, so this is a plot Bunny that came to me when I was working on my other stories. This is a EDIT: NOT A ONE SHOT, but if people are interested in where this is going then I might continue it. I've seen some really interesting Harry Potter/Minerva McGonagall relationship stories or other time travel to Grindelwald times, but they often have Harry raising a young Tom Riddle or growing up beside the boy and trying to sway the young Voldemort to the side of angels. (Most of them have been abandoned at one point or another.) I thought, how about go back to the point where there is no doubt Voldemort is evil, and just actually kill him. Then to add some flavor, we get Harry Potter, prophesized dark lord destroyer, powerful wizard and all around trouble magnet and we get him stuck in the past and let him screw with history. So if any of this interests you, drop me a review and let me know. I'm still going to finish up my other stories, but if you like this, then I can make this into something longer also. This will be a strong Harry, if I continue it, but not uber/godly Harry story. No real bashing other than the fact that Harry will screw with history and get into a lot of trouble. Also NOT Slash, I don't write slash. Anyway, Cheers, and I hope you enjoy it.**

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><p><strong>Parsel<strong>

'_Thinking'_

"Normal talk"

**Chapter 1: Checklists Are Important**

"That's just how time travel looks like to the untrained eye. The reason why there aren't more travelers is that your average physicist refuses to be eaten by a giraffe in the name of science."  
>― Bradley Sands, It Came from Below the Belt<p>

The year was 1941 and in the bowels of Hogwarts Tom Riddle's first horcrux ritual was almost complete. Tom paced around the ritual circle in his Hogwarts school robes, a sneer painted on his face. The runes were drawn on the stone floor of the Chamber of Secrets in a mixture of the cinders of an elder branch mixed with the blood of a werewolf. Any dark creature's blood would have done but sixteen year old Tom Riddle felt a certain sense of glee as he used the blood of some unfortunate werewolf who was so down on his luck that he had to sell his own blood. To a wizard, selling their own blood was the lowest of the low, for blood was all. Your magic was in the blood, your life was in your blood, and the power to control you was in your blood. Tom Riddle, self styled as Lord Voldemort, sneered at the thought of the pathetic being that was willing to sell their blood in Knockturn Alley and just for enough money so that the mangy werewolf could feed his family for a week. But the unfortunate werewolf's misfortune was Tom's gain.

Tom reviewed his notes from the journal he kept that contained all of his studies on dark magic and the bits and pieces of parcel magic that he had found. Encapsulated in that book was all he believed he needed to take over the Wizarding world, from the rituals to go through to strengthen his core and body, all the way up to a blood and mind magic ritual that made it amazingly easy to learn new spells and shore up occlumency shields.

Taking one more look at his journal, Tom smirked as he checked his arithmetic calculations in the journal against what was drawn on the floor, everything he had learned from Professor Slughorn and from books purchased from Borgin's and Burkes pointed to the magic and ritual circle being correct. The circle was finished, and the one and only diary of a young Tom Riddle sat in the center of the rune carvings. All he needed now was to summon Slytherin's basilisk and proceed to kill some mudblood scum in the castle above, and then his power over death would be complete.

Yes tonight, Tom's Riddle would take that first giant step towards truly becoming Lord Voldemort, tonight he would finally rise above his greatest fear; death.

"Truly I will be the greatest dark wizard of all time!" Tom said out loud with a malicious smirk. "Soon I will leave this castle behind and begin my path to true power and greatness, and even Grindewald's name will be feared less than mine." He hissed in glee before turning to the large stone relief of the face of Salazar Slytherin that took up a huge chunk Chamber of Secret's wall.

Tom hissed in parseltongue "**Speak to me, Slytherin, Greatest of the**-" "What the!" Tom flinched back with a yell in English as a bright blinding flash of blue light and a horrible grinding-ripping sound interrupted his summoning of the basilisk.

When Tom stopped blinking and the blurry spots disappeared from before his eyes, he was surprised to see a dark haired teenager of about eighteen standing before him in the Chamber of Secrets. The boy was wearing a mix of muggle and magical clothing, black military cargo pants and boots, a tan safari shirt with many pockets, and a long flowing black wizard's robe that was open down the middle to reveal the muggle clothes beneath.

"Oh, did I make it?" The unknown teen stated, looking his body over and patting himself down. "Wand? Check. All my limbs attached? Fingers, toes, head shoulders knees… Ah!" The stranger stopped his verbal check list while quickly looking down the front of his pants only to thrust his hands down into his underwear and groping himself.

"Whew, still there." A look of relief flashed across the older teens face and he smiled before looking up, only to realize that Tom was staring at him stunned. The older teen quickly pulled his hands out of his pants.

Tom looked startled as he stared at this pale stranger with the dark hair, green eyes and a jagged scar on the young man's forehead, even more startled when the stranger realized he wasn't alone and looked back at Tom with a hug smile.

"Tom?" The boy moved forward quickly towards Tom Riddle. "Tom, is that really you?" The young man said with an almost over exuberance painted across the stranger's face.

Tom took a step back with a raised eyebrow, but the boy approached until he clasped Tom on the right shoulder with a hearty slap. "Tommy boy it is you!" The stranger said with glee while clapping Tom on the shoulder hard enough to send Mr. Riddle stumbling forward with the force of it.

The stranger took a good look around and his smile got larger, "Let me guess, making your first horcrux?" The stranger said excitedly.

Tom looked shocked and his eyes widened, "How did you know about that? Who are you?" Tom demanded, still too stunned for 16 year old Tom to really react to this stranger who suddenly appeared through the Hogwarts anti-apparition wards and into the most secret sanctum of the castle.

The young man replied with a smirk, "Oh me, no one special, but you can call me Harry. Fast question, if I asked you who Lord Voldemort was, what would you say?" The green eyed older teen questioned with his hand still resting on Tom's shoulder while looking the younger teen in the face.

Tom Riddle smirked and puffed out his chest, "The greatest Dark Lord in the history of the world." Tom said with a voice full of pride.

"Good!" Harry stated, and then his wide grin turned into a smirk, right at the point where Tom felt something heavy thud right into his chest.

"Urk!" Tom blinked at the young man in front of him as Tom felt wetness and heat travel down his chest, only to look down and see Harry's hand burying a dagger right in Tom's heart.

Tom only had the time to look up into Harry's green eyes before collapsing to his knees.

"I wanted to make sure you were evil, and I promised Albus's portrait and Hermione that I'd check first to make sure you were actually in need of getting killed at this point. The old man still asked that I not kill you and try and lead you down a different path, for the "Greater Good" and all that rot. But I told him that if you were already making horcrux, then there was only one way to stop you." Harry Potter looked down as Tom Riddle keeled over and fell sideways, smearing the previously carefully painted runes on the floor of the Chamber of Secrets with tom's body and blood.

Harry crouched down so he could look Tom Riddle in the eyes as the smile left Harry's face and he turned serious, watching as the life drained out of his archenemy. "Just in case you're wondering, I made the dagger out of a fang from Slytherin's basilisk. I thought it was fitting, you know, seeing as how we are back in the Chamber where I killed your first horcrux, stabbing you with the same tooth that I used to kill said first horcrux." Harry stated with a shrug, torn between enjoying the relief it was that Voldemort was dying while also realizing that he was watching a man die due to the dagger Harry had planted in said man's heart.

Tom Riddle gurgled, and a tear rolled down his cheek, "gggrrgule I.. cough cough, don't want to die…" Tom gasped between breaths.

Harry Potter frowned as he watched the 16 year old teen slowly start to lose consciousness. Fate was an interesting thing, given the fact that the first time Harry had come to the Chamber of Secrets, Tom was the one crouched over the dying body of Harry Potter, in both cases near death by basilisk poisoning.

In the case of one Tomas Riddle however there would be no phoenix tears to wash away the poison of the Basilisk, and even so the blade through the heart was fatal.

With a final sigh, young Tomas Riddle, the evil dark lord known as Voldemort passed away before he could ever leave his true and horrifying mark on the world.

Harry released a long exhale of air that he hadn't even realized he had been holding. Carefully, and with more caring than Tomas Riddle probably deserved, Harry brushed his hand over Tom's eyes to close them in Voldemort's final repose.

With one last look at the body of the dead future Dark Lord, Harry reached down and yanked the dagger from Tom's chest. With a look of finality on his face, Harry then turned towards the diary sitting in the circle of runes, and gave it a good stabbity-stab-stab for safety's sake before jumping back to see if anything happened.

When no ghostly spirit or black vapor escaped from the pierced diary, Harry finally relaxed, his shoulder's slumping as the long battle against Voldemort had ended before it even began.

Staring at the diary quietly, Harry just stood there for a few moments.

Slowly, ever so slowly, a smile crept across Harry's face. And then with a whoop of joy, Harry started doing a discombobulated jig; after all, Parvati from back in his time would have told you that Harry wasn't a very good dancer.

"Woo hoo, woo hoo, Tom's dead, it's my birthday, woo hoo Ding dong the dark wizard's dead!" Harry sang while dancing around the chamber almost like doing a rain dance, twirling his fingers in the air and kicking up his heels.

Finally after a good five minutes of dancing and shaking his money-maker as well as any average Englishman could, Harry stopped to take breather and leaned over to support himself on his knees.

"Ha ha, I told Hermione we could do it." Harry said with a smirk of triumph as he started patting down his pockets.

"She said we should go over the lists again, but no I told her it would be easy and that we didn't need to go over one of her lists again for the hundredth time." Harry stated to himself with a smirk, digging into his pants pocket and pulling out a couple shrunken chests, only to lay them on the ground as he kept digging.

"Harry, we need to make sure you don't forget anything." Harry stated in a high pitched falsetto, doing his best Hermione Granger imitation; after all, Harry had a lot of experience listening to her nag him, what with all the times she had hounded him and Ron to study.

"Bah I say, I've got everything I need and we've gone over the plan a million times." Harry finished, digging in one of the cargo pockets on his leg, pulling out a shrunken pensive, his father's invisibility cloak and the Slytherin family ring with the resurrection stone still embedded on it.

Patting down the pockets of his butt, Harry started to get a bit flustered, but he kept talking to himself, "Wallet, check." Harry stated while checking his right rear pocket, "Elder wand, check" Harry felt the wand sticking out of his left rear pocket; Moody would have had a fit and no doubt Harry would be in for another hour long history of butt injuries due to improper storage of one's wand.

Harry grimaced having forgotten that he stuck that wand back there, and quickly slid it into the secondary wand holster on his left arm and continued patting down his pockets while monologuing to himself.

"I've got everything we need, I told Hermione." Harry continued, now getting a bit frantic as he continued to search his body and breast pockets of his coat he was wearing. "Emergency money raided from Gringotts…The Black fortune, the Potter fortune, Check and check, even the sword of Gryffindor for goodness sake, and I even brought a tent with a kitchen sink… But where is that bloody transit portkey to get me back to the future!" Harry finally swore as he pulled on the chain of the gold necklace that he had been wearing under his shirt.

The charm bracelet like long necklace held Hermione's old time turner, it held a Swiss army knife that had been shrunken to the size of a toothpick along with a small foe-glass, but on the clasp that should have held the portkey back to the future… there was nothing.

Harry held the necklace up to his face with a goggle eyed look, and sure enough, his only hope of getting out of 1941 and back to the future was missing.

It was at that point that Harry remembered setting down the return trip time traveling portkey when he went to the water closet five minutes before his trip to the past; it didn't make sense to wet himself in transit to visit the young Lord Voldemort. After all, what type of image would that have presented if Tom Riddle's first meeting with Harry had a large wet stain on the front of Harry's pants? Harry had been holding onto the portkey so he wouldn't forget it, but then he had stopped to wash his hands after using the toilet and right before he was due to leave.

Unfortunately it appeared that Hermione Granger was right again, as usual. Harry really should have gone over the check list one more time.

With that, the color drained out of Harry Potter's face as he realized that he, 18 year old Harry Potter, was stuck in the year 1941. World War II was in full swing, Albus Dumbledore had not defeated Gellert Grindelwald, and Harry Potter was lost in a time when his parents weren't even a twinkle in his Grandparents' eye.

It is in situations like this that one can do only one thing.

Curse vehemently, then rinse and repeat until thoroughly exhausted.

"Buggerdy-bugger-bugger, bloody hell, Slytherin's left nut, and soap on a rope!" Harry screamed in anger at himself before finally allowing his shoulders to slump, for he was in fact well and totally screwed. Such was the everyday life of one Harry James Potter, Fate's bitch and the world's largest trouble magnet.

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><p><strong>AN: Well, that sets the scene for what could end up being a fun travel to the past story. It was short, I know, and not up to my normal length. However, this is like I said a one-shot unless people like it. Voldemort is out of the way, yet a truly fearsome enemy of a Dark Lord is just ramping up his invasion of Europe over on the mainland across the straight from Great Britain. The Potter family, albeit Harry's grandparents and great grandparents, are alive and kicking and Harry has no way of getting back to the future that he knew. Heck, he might have totally erased the future that he knew as Voldemort was never allowed to start his rampages, muggle-baiting, or muggleborn slaying. Relationship options abound, and zaniness could come from any angle. Anyway, it's a one-shot for now, but could potentially be turned into a full story sometime in the future. Let me know what you think. Cheers!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2: Accidents Happen

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money off this in any way. That should do it for a disclaimer.

**AN: Just a little bit more of Oops, don't expect any more of this any time soon, I just had this in my mind and had to get it out before I could get back to spark. I truly plan on finishing my other three stories before adding any more to this one.**

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><p><strong>Parsel<strong>

'_Thinking'_

"Normal talk"

**Chapter 2: Accidents Happen**

"Sometimes accidents happen in life from which we have need of a little madness to extricate ourselves successfully"

~François de la Rochefoucauld

"Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Harry!" Harry cursed at himself as he stomped back and forth across the floor of the Chamber of Secrets, his hands flailing about as he cursed at his own stupidity.

"Don't worry Hermione, I'm tapping into my Slytherin side I said," Harry added, gesturing with his hands as if he was responding to a statement from Hermione, "Nah, I don't rush in any more, that would be idiotic." Harry replied to the unspoken question once again, and then, stood there before screaming at the ceiling "DAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SO Stupid!" Harry's hands pantomimed shaking back and forth as if he was choking the life out of some imaginary person in front of him.

In Harry's anger, he noticed a small tan bundle at his feet, so with a grunt of anger, he kicked at it with all his might.

It was like the world seemed to slow down, you know, those instances right before the car hits you and you scream, "Oh shit, this is going to leave a mark."

Tom Riddles magic journal, which really should have been dubbed a Tome with a capital "T" given its weight and size, flipped up into the air, pages fluttering open as it flew through the air, right into the center of the carefully drawn runic horcrux circle.

Harry's eyes shot wide open, and he threw his arm out in the attempt to catch the book or even summon it back towards him with his recently developed minor wandless magic, but alas, it was not to be.

Time seemed to snap back into the present.

The leather bound tome hit the exact center of the circle, and there was a flash of green light.

Harry was yanked off his feet towards the circle as he felt like some sort of budgie cord had hooked into his chest and pulled something from him towards the book only to let go as a grayish wisp of smoke was pulled from his chest and sucked into the book.

Harry stumbled towards the circle of now smoking blood runes, only to stop and teeter right at the edge, going up on his tippy toes and waving his arms in circles as he tried not to fall into the circle of runes as he didn't know what that would do.

Stumbling backwards, Harry gasped for breath as he put his hand on his heart, feeling it race.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Harry finally spat as he rested bent over, hand holding him up off of his knee while the other continued to clutch at his chest.

As if in answer, the book in the center of the circle opened itself up, and the pages of the tome started flipping quickly till they reached a blank page towards the end of the journal.

Harry stood up, and carefully walked towards the book, pulling out his basilisk fang dagger as he tentatively tapped the edge of the rune circle with his toe, as if checking a pool to see if the water was warm out.

It wasn't the smartest thing to do, for if the rune circle were to still have power in it enough to harm him then it wouldn't have mattered if it was a toe or a whole foot that Harry used to tap it with. Then again, Harry was put into Gryffindor for a reason, and Griff's charge forward; with or without engaging their brains.

Harry pulled back the dagger, ready to stab the tome, and leaned over it till he could see what was being written in very familiar chicken scratch all across the back page of the tome.

"Harry Potter! You bloody fucking idiot!" The tome wrote in Harry Potter's own handwriting, "You daft twit, Snape shagging, goat slapping pile of hippogriff dung! Only you could accidentally create your own Horcrux!"

Harry read those words as the page continued to curse a bloody blue streak at him. The meaning of the words finally hit his cognitive thinking and made sense, and then his eyes rolled up into the back of his head as Harry collapsed in a faint.

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><p>"Num num num," Harry smacked his lips and wiped his eyes and tried to roll over back to sleep. "Five more minutes Hermione." He said sleepily, only for a heavy leather cover of a book to flip over and smack him straight in the nose.<p>

"Mother puss bucket!" Harry shot up to a sitting position as his eyes teared up and he tried to blink the pain out of his face while holding his nose.

Harry blinked the tears out of his eyes and looked around, only to realize that this really wasn't a bad dream, he really had stranded himself in the past.

Harry stopped rubbing his nose as his eyes went large as he realized, that meant that he really had accidentally created a horcrux.

"Oh my god, I turned the book into a horcrux. I don't think I feel so good." Harry stated, feeling sick that he had just created the one thing that Voldemort focused his life and magic around, in a way mirroring the Dark Lord's most hideous act of evil.

"You don't feel so well! You don't feel so well? What about me! I'm a fucking book!" The tome wrote back hotly as it bounced a few times off the ground until it reached Harry's side where it tried ineffectively to bash Harry's leg in with the flailing back cover of the book; black ink seemed to splatter around the words on the page as if the quill was being thrust about the page in anger, or as if saliva was splattering about as somebody yelled profanities.

"Yeah, but it was my soul!" Harry cursed back at the book that was bouncing its cover off his thigh.

"Bloody hell Harry, I am your soul you bloody twit!" The book cursed back before going silent for a second.

A moment later, more calm writing appeared on the page, "Fine, wait a second, I think I've found something that could make this better." The book stated before the pages began to flutter backwards past journal notes, spell creation arithmetic formulas until it came to rest on a page that was dominated by a large spiraling endless knot like rune array.

Harry leaned forwards towards the open page of the book as he frantically tried to understand what he was seeing. Moving until his nose was almost touching the page as he tried to figure out what all the teeny tiny runes were… only for the page to flash bright blinding white right in his face.

"GAAAAHHH!" Harry screamed in pain and slapped his hands over his eyes as the white light blinded him and he felt a burning sensation seemingly in his mind.

"Heh heh heh heh heh…" Was written across the top of the page before disappearing as the book laughed at Harry's pain.

Harry in turn had flopped over on his back and was flailing about, and had knocked his glasses off his face while still holding his hands over his eyes and pound his head backwards against the stone floor with thudding sounds as he tried to distract himself from the pain that was slowly going away, but still rated a 9.5 on the "compared-to-Voldemort-giving-me-a-cruciatious" pain scale.

All of that pain seemed to be focused in his brain and his eyes, and Harry couldn't seem to control his thoughts as his mind was a whirling mumbled jumble of smells, tastes, touches, sounds and colors.

"Fucking fuck fuck fuck! I'd kill you if you weren't me!" Harry cursed through his gritted teeth as he stopped smacking the back of his head into the floor of the Chamber of Secrets; at this point the pain was just on the scale of Petunia Dursley smacking him upside the head with a hot cast-iron skillet, steaming bacon drippings included.

The pain continued to be blinding for another ten minutes through which time the book took pleasure in laughing at Harry, though Harry wasn't in any shape to read the repeated "Ba HA Ha ha HA…" That repeated across the top of the page.

Finally Harry sat up and uncovered his eyes while giving his head a shake. He knew he had a headache potion somewhere about him, so started patting himself down while still trying to blink the dot's out of his vision.

"What the hell was that for? I thought you said you found something that would make this situation better." Harry cursed at the book as the world around him looked to stop becoming a bunch of white blurs and started to become a bunch of muted grey blurs.

"I did." The book wrote back smugly, "I'm feeling much better now that you're sharing my pain." It finished snidely. Harry knew that the book had been snide, for through his returning vision he noted at the last part of the book's sentence it read "Said snidely."

"What the fuck was that flash of light thing." Harry cursed while wiping the new batch of tears out of his eyes; apparently he was becoming quite the potty mouth due to the stress of the pain and the situation. Hermione Granger would definitely not have approved of his new language patterns, but then again, she wasn't even born yet by that date and time.

Harry was finally able to look down at the book with only a minimum of blinking, and he clearly saw the page on the other side of the book had large red circles around it where Harry's horcrux was pointing Harry to the answer.

"Hmm," Harry said as he read, his other hand finally finding the headache potion which he pulled from his pocket and drank greedily before reading further. "It's for an occlumency ward that protects and organizes the mind; the only problem is it has to be burned into the mind, thus the blinding flash of light." Harry read, and the further he read he got angrier.

"Damn it book-me, even Tom hadn't been crazy enough to do this bloody ritual," Harry cursed as he read through Tom Riddle's notes where it stated that Tom hadn't even planned on doing the ritual. "It says right here that it is supposed to be unfathomably painful, with a sixty four percent chance of permanent insanity, blindness and anal leakage problems."

"Yes, and that was a risk I was willing to take to get back at you for making me into a horcrux." The book wrote back haughtily, finishing its sentence stating "said haughtily."

Harry shook his head and rubbed his eyes again, at which time he realized that he could see perfectly without his glasses on, and all it had taken was the about two thirds chance of anal leakage.

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><p>Book-Harry and Human-Harry had spent another fifteen minutes cursing at each other, by which time Harry checked the time and realized that the time was five thirty AM Greenwich Mean Time. That would give them just enough time to ditch Tom's body and leave the castle, hopefully in time to miss the professors and students wake up time; that is if everything timed out perfectly.<p>

The next few minutes were followed by heavy breathing and a great deal of manual manipulation.

"Heavy bugger." Harry grunted as he continued to lug Tom's body over the lip of the opening and up into the girl's bathroom where the entrance to the chamber resided. Harry's grunt of effort provided just the extra oomph needed to get the body of teenaged Tom Riddle up and back into the main part of the castle.

Harry's grunt was then followed by "schulckt" sounds as the modified sticking charms that he had cast on his shoes and the elbows and knees of his pants and shirt allowed him to finish climbing up the long stone spout; swearing the entire time about "where's a bloody phoenix when you need one.

Harry pulled himself out of the last bit of the hole and stopped to dust off the centuries of dust and grime that had been caked on the tube entrance to the Chamber, and subsequently rubbed off onto Harry's pants and shirt.

Harry frowned at the corpse at his feet and nudged it with his foot, "Bloody hell Tommy boy, you'd think for a dark lord in training that you would go on a diet or at least be fit and trim. Boy did you let yourself go in your youth." Harry stated, talking to the corpse that didn't answer back.

Harry looked up from the unresponsive corpse to look around the room for an idea on what to do with Tom's body, only for a perfectly evil idea to come to mind. The idea was hilarious mind you, but still rather evil, and with that understated side of irony given that in another time the body of Myrtle would have been the one to be found in the girl's bathroom. Yes, it was an idea perfectly fit for a Marauder, so that means you know it was going to be funny, with no doubt a side order of mean.

Harry smirked as he whipped out the yew and phoenix core wand that he had newly acquired from Tom Riddle, and flicked it at the corpse until it floated up into the air and then situated itself slumped on the toilet. A few more flicks, and Tom's pants were around his ankle, and Tom's hand was situated jammed down the front of his pants; no way in hell that Harry was going to arrange that manually, but magic was nice like that when you didn't want to touch disgusting things like a Dark Lord's teenaged tackle.

Chuckling evilly to himself, Harry darted back to the sink where the Chamber opening was, and cast an accio, quickly summoning currently unnamed "book", aka Harry's horcrux, and his robe that was heavily laden with all of his supplies from the future and which Harry had left at the bottom of the tube.

The book flew up the tunnel spout and landed lightly in his hands, followed by the robe that came after it and settled itself over Harry's shoulder. It was at this point that Harry realized he should have just done the same thing with Tom's body, so cursed lightly under his breath while face palming himself.

Still, Harry had a prank worthy of the marauders to get set up. So with a hissed, "Close" in parseltongue, Harry moved to one of the other standing sinks as the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets closed.

His smirk coming back to his face as he started working on the prank again, Harry grabbed a bar of soap from the bathroom and transfigured it into a plain looking steel dagger with Tom's wand before walking back to the toilet stall where he planting it in Tom's chest; right into the open chest wound already present on teenaged dark lord.

A few flicks of the wand with a malicious smirk on his face, Harry added moisture to the wound until the blood dripped down and covered over the dagger, followed by a twist and a swish that caused a splattering of blood to drop onto Tom's 'free' hand as Harry Levitated it towards the dagger and cast a sticking charm.

Harry then looked around one more time to make sure nobody was going to see him, and that nothing was out of place before adding the Pièce de résistance.

His evil smirk painted on his face, Harry cast several charms and a bit of transfiguration at Tom's face and head, all the while chuckling under his breath that he was thankful for all the times he was forced to overhear Lavender and Parvati gossiping about the latest charms from Witch Weekly while he was trying to study.

Having been very familiar with the writing of one Tom Riddle, and having a sample of his handwriting right with him in the form of Riddle's magic tome, Harry tore out a page of the book to the sounds of a disgruntled shriek from Harry's horcrux, before then drafting a suicide. The stage was set, so with that a snickering Harry Potter retrieved his family's invisibility cloak from a cargo pants pocket, snuck out of the bathroom and through the secret passage that led out of the castle and down to the town of Hogsmead.

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><p>Three hours later, breakfast was interrupted by a somewhat usual site as "Moaning" Myrtle ran into the Great Hall crying as she ran towards the head table to complain. However what was unusual about the situation was that Oliver Hornby hadn't been teasing her about her glasses that morning, rather a strange boy had been taking up her usual crying spot; and a very dead and strange boy at that.<p>

Through tearful blubbering, Headmaster Dippet, Professor Dumbledore and the other professors were finally able to make out Myrtle's words, thus there was a mad dash back out of the Great Hall and up the stairs to the girls bathroom…

Only to find young Tom Riddle with a dagger in his chest, one hand thrust down the front of his underwear, and his face painted up like a cheap whore.

The young wannabe dark lord had loads of makeup caked on face, bright red lipstick on his lips, and dark eyeliner that made him look like he was a cross between some ancient Egyptian Cleopatra and the singer Elton John on a bad makeup day. Golden dangling hoop earrings had been pierced through his ears and made him look like some kind of dead streetwalking transvestite from Transylvania.

Headmaster Dippet was aghast, so it was that Professor Dumbledore, the transfiguration professor who 'swung that way,' moved forward towards the note sitting on the floor at Tom's feet, hoping that the note would explain the tale.

The note read like some sort of 'dear john' letter to the wizarding world:

"Goodbye cruel wizarding world,

I can't do it anymore, the lying about being a pureblood, the abuse at the muggle orphanage that Professor Dumbledore and Headmaster Dippet force me to go back to in the summer. These painful experiences only add to my other regrets. In the past I hoped to be the greatest wizard in the history of the world, I wanted to be a great dark lord to carry on Slytherin's name, I hoped to have a family that was proud of me, and I hoped for my fellow Slytherins to respect me for my evil dark greatness. However my greatest regret is one that even magic failed to fulfill.

I wish I was born a girl.

Yes, I truly wish that rather than being born one Tomas Marvolo Riddle, that I had been named Tami, or perhaps even Tomacita, that has a nice ring to it. But even my great mind and the combined libraries of Hogwarts and Knockturn Alley have not allowed me my greatest wish, to be born without a twig and bits. Goodbye cruel world.

Sincerely,

Tomacita Meredith Riddle,

The-wizard-formerly-known-as-Tom-Marvolo-Riddle."

Meanwhile in a Wizarding tent pitched behind the shrieking shack, Harry Potter rolled over in his bed with a smile as he slept. It had been a long and tiring trip to the past, with more than a few errors and mistakes. Still, Harry was sleeping soundly for the first time since his parents were killed when he was one year old. After all becoming the first marauder in history, chronologically speaking, and accidentally making a horcrux would wear anyone out.

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><p><strong>AN: Just a little bit more, didn't expect to get this out but wanted a break from writing SOG chapter 41 and this made me chuckle. It's not beta read, I'm merely putting this out for fun. Hope you enjoy it. Cheers!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3: Even New Beginnings Can Suck

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money off this in any way. That should do it for a disclaimer.

**AN: Just a little bit more of Oops, don't expect any more of this any time soon, I just had this in my mind and had to get it out before I could get back to Spark, and this kept waking me up during the middle of the night. I truly plan on finishing my other three stories before adding any more to this one, but no plan ever survives contact with the enemy; or in my case, contact with the rabid plot bunnies.**

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><p><strong>Parsel<strong>

'_Thinking'_

"Normal talk"

**Chapter 3: Even New Beginnings Can Suck**

"Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." ~Author Unknown

The spring morning sun was filtering through the trees of the forbidden forest and bathing Harry's wizarding tent and the backside of the Shrieking Shack in warming morning light. Harry had enjoyed a wonderful night's sleep, one of the first he had benefitted from in the last few years given the war torn future he had originated from. Right now however, Harry had finished a quick breakfast of tea and toast and was trying to stock up on helpful potions while discussing possible plans with the aptly named Book, aka Harry's horcrux.

"Fillet of a fenny snake," Harry read off the instructions from his accidental horcrux while dropping in the ingredients that had been supplied for worst case scenarios if Harry had appeared at the wrong time or place and had to hunt down Tom and his horcrux, or horcruxes.

Harry bit his lip as he read through the potions recipe he was trying to make, his caldron bubbling on a fire that was situated outside the back of the Shrieking Shack and a table was situated next to the caldron and in front of his tent; having dragged the table out of his wizard's tent.

"In the cauldron boil and bake… ok, so I stir twice clockwise, one counterclockwise, allow to bubble twice… hmm, so double bubble, got it. This sounds familiar but I can't place it, are you sure this is the Felix Felicis recipe? Harry questioned the book.

"Hey, I'm the one with the recipe here! It's not my fault you bloody well forgot to pack the recipes that Hermione wanted you to take. You thought you were so smart, you said that the recipes were already around in the past. She told you to play it safe and plan ahead but Nooooo, you had to wing it. And now you're bloody questioning the book on what is written in it!" The Book's writing started cursing at Harry again.

"Fine, fine, I'm working on it, I'm working on it, I'll trust you on the recipe. Merlin, keep your cover on." Harry stated the last part with a smirk. This in turn caused the book to curse at him a bit more at being reminded that it, Harry's soul, had been turned into a book. Harry had to dart his hand away from the cover as it tried to snap shut and catch his fingers before finally settling down and allowing Harry to go back to reading.

"Hmm, let's see the rest of the recipe: Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting, Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing." Harry read while tossing in ingredients the whole time. When he got to "Howlet's wing" Harry stopped and blinked as he held the baby owl's wing.

"Merlin, if Hedwig saw me now I'd be pecked to death." Harry finished, and then paused to look around nervously just to make sure that his snowy white owl was safely back in the future before finally shrugging and tossing the little owl wing into the brew.

With the addition of the last ingredient, the brew turned a lily pad green color and started to steam.

Harry scratched his chin and pondered for a second, before turning and addressing his book-self, "Hey Book, I thought that there were supposed to be little gold fish like things hopping about like when we made this in Slughorn's class?" Harry asked.

"What, do I look like Snape? I'm a part of your bloody soul trapped in a book, how would I know something that you don't?" The Book griped at Harry.

"Fine, fine, I'll drink it; don't get your bindings in a twist." Harry snipped back before flicking his wand and conjuring a glass goblet and filling it to the brim before turning towards his book.

"Here's ink in your eye." Harry snarked with a smirk before scrunching up his face, pinching his nose and downing the goblet of steaming green gunk.

Harry finished drinking the glass and gasped as the taste was a cross between McGonagall's hairballs from her cat animagus form with just the slightest hint of toe jam and broom oil; and yes he knew what those items tasted like thanks to the Weasley Twins and one of their pranks gone horribly wrong.

"Blech!" Harry spat, and then clawed at his tongue with the nails of his hand to try and get the taste out of his mouth.

That's when the potion hit him.

First the world seemed to flip on the vertical, then the horizontal, before deciding to reverse directions, and Harry suddenly found himself flat on his back as his leg's gave out under him as it felt like Hagrid and Hagrid's brother Grawp were playing Ping-Pong with Harry's brain.

"Stop the world! I want to get off!" Harry bellowed in pain while holding his head, the whole time the Book on the table just chuckled at Harry's pain, as shown by the "heh heh heh heh" that was scrolling across the book's pages.

Finally the world slowed down to a slow spin and Harry wobbly sat up while weaving back and forth and holding his head with both hands before slowly pushing himself up onto his knees by supporting his weight on the table.

"What the hell did you just get me to drink?" Harry accused the book.

"I believe it is called the Witches brew, you might recognize it from Shakespeare's Macbeth." The book wrote snidely; again Harry knew the book had been written snidely as the writing on the page said, "Written snidely."

"I thought you said it was a luck potion!" Harry accused while trying to push himself up to a standing position but failed repeatedly as his legs still wobbled as the world continued to spin around him.

"It is a luck potion, but you didn't ask what type." Harry's horcrux wrote back to him, and if books could smirk then the Book would have been doing a good Malfoy impersonation. "You've heard of the saying/curse, may you live in interesting times? Well that's what the potion does, so have fun, wouldn't want your time back here in the past to get boring now would we?" The book stated before slapping its cover closed.

Harry finally struggled to his feet and pointed his finger threateningly at his horcrux, "I'm stuck in the past during the middle of World War II! How much more of an interesting time do you want to have you stuck up pile of pulpwood?" Harry yelled and threw his arms in the air spastically, only to have to catch himself on the table as the world spun the opposite direction once again.

The book didn't respond for several seconds, but then finally flopped open slowly.

"Um… I might have misjudged the situation in my urges to get back at you for turning me into a horcrux." The book said contritely, only to continue writing, "However in my defense, I am you, and Harry Potter was never much known for planning ahead now were we?" The book stated somewhat apologetically.

"Bloody hell, now my own horcrux is trying to kill me." Harry griped as the world spun diagonally.

Thus started Harry Potter's first morning stuck in 1941. Yeah, even with a new chance on life, it still sucked to be Harry James Potter.

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><p>"Next!" The goblin bank teller yelled out without looking up, only for his desk to shake as five giant chests were dropped on the floor as their levitation and shrinking charms were canceled.<p>

The Goblin stopped reviewing a balance and looked at the smirking figure in front of the desk and surrounded by the trunks while several other wizards backed away from strange teen who was decidedly dressed weirdly by 1941 standards.

Harry was wearing black combat fatigue pants with all of their cargo pockets, tall black combat boots, open black robes that draped to the ground, and a clearly visible bright green t-shirt with large black lettering on it that read "Some Wizards have a wand, but I wield a Staff."

The goblin eyed the trunks, and then the wizard who was dressed differently than any other wizard the bank teller had seen before; though the goblin did denote several bulges hidden behind the wizard's robe that possibly denoted several blades and perhaps a muggle firearm.

"Who are you, and what do you want? Simply dropping trunks in front of me and not saying anything doesn't tell me anything about your business with Gringotts." The Goblin stated with a glare.

Harry merely smirked larger and waved his hand at his trunks and as one all five large chests clicked and opened to show expanded containers filled with precious metals, gems, trinkets, magical items, armor and weapons, and millions upon millions of Galleons.

"The name is Bond… Harry James Bond." Harry said with a smirk, paraphrasing something he had seen in a movie that Harry had seen Dudley watching a couple of times. Given the fact that the guy in the movie had gotten all of the ladies and still kicked the bad guy's ass with style, well Harry felt it was as good a fake name as he could figure out.

"Really? I'm not familiar with the Bond family." The goblin teller said with a sneer before looking down at his desk and then showing Harry a mouth full of sharp teeth as the bank teller continued, "And my instruments are telling me that you're a Potter." The Goblin accused, since the bank really did have all manner of identification charms and wards set to identify individuals so as to ward off thieves and fraudsters.

Harry's smile only dipped for a second before he looked around and noticed that none of the other wizards were really paying attention to him anymore; which was actually pretty normal considering Wizards seemed to ignore the obvious and believed the crazy before the logical.

Harry reached into one of his trunks and snagged a bag of Galleons that bulged and jingled quite nicely. With a toss, Harry's bag flew the distance to land on the tall teller's desk and slid across it until it landed in the Goblin's lap.

"I'm pretty sure my last name is Bond, and I'd like it to be official." Harry said with a smirk before reaching down and grabbing a second bag and tossing it right at the goblin who caught it with an "Oomph" that almost knocked the goblin out of his tall highchair.

"I'm thinking the Bond family is a long lasting pureblood family that has been a client of Gringotts since the annals of time, but which likes its solitude and who have been hiding away somewhere in the Isle of Man. What do you think?"

The goblin looked from Harry, then back to the large heavy bags of gold Galleons, then back at Harry with a blood thirsty grin.

"I think that Gringotts would like to welcome Lord Bond back to its halls. And this goblin is wondering if Lord Bond would like matching documentation to back up his long standing history with the bank while we wait for his assets to be deposited and cataloged?" The goblin offered while sweeping the two bags off the desk and into a hidden compartment on the teller's desk.

Harry's grin grew across his face and his eyes seemed to glow with his evil smirk in return at the goblin, "I knew we spoke the same language." Harry replied as he walked forward and leaned over the desk conspiratorially.

"How long before the documents are ready, and I'm assuming that you have somebody that can backdate birth certificates, NEWT and OWL results at the Ministry, right?" Harry offered, and while starting to flip a large marquee cut ruby the size of a pound note between the knuckles of his hand; the ruby darting up and over each knuckle before dancing back the other direction.

The Goblin's eyes watched the ruby pass from one side of the wizard's hand to the other, and the goblin subconsciously nodded in agreement while he licked his lips and swallowed as the goblin salivated at the size of the large gem.

"Absolutely Lord Bond… we have people that can, shall we say Arrange to have the documents placed in the right place and time." The goblin gulped as Harry flipped the ruby from one hand to the other and continued the rapid play of the large gem as it seemed to glide across the top of his hands.

"Good." Harry purred, forcing himself not to laugh as he saw the goblin was almost hypnotized by the movement of the cut gem. Harry fought back the urge to say something like, "Your getting sleepy… very sleepy."

Instead Harry looked around again and stated, "The sooner I can get those documents the better, and I'll need somebody to manage my finances. I'm assuming Ragnok isn't the current director of the bank but rather a senior manager or something?" Harry stated.

This comment startled the goblin out of his hypnotic like state as this wizard knew something of the inner workings of the bank, something that Gringotts would possibly need to look into. However to cover his shock, the goblin waved for a team of goblins to come forward and remove the chests full of riches to a high security vault before signing a document and sticking it in an 'out box' where said document quickly disappeared. A string of gobbledygook from the teller to the team of other goblins had them nodding in agreement as they quickly bustled off on their errand. Only then did the goblin teller turn back to the Potter who wanted to be called a Bond and answer his question.

"Yes." The goblin said hesitantly, "Ragnok is the sub-senior manager in charge of account maintenance. I'm sure he could do an adequate job of being your personal banker, and your documents should be ready right about… now." The statement was prefaced by a "Ding!" sound as all manner of magical and muggle identification appeared in the magical 'in box' on the goblin's desk. The goblin bank teller handed over the documents to Harry but held onto the documents and didn't release them until he addressed Harry, "however I must ask how you knew that name." The teller questioned.

Harry only smirked larger and flipped the large ruby towards the goblin let go of the identification documents and tried to catch the gem only to have to juggle and bobble it back and forth a few times before finally catching the thrown jewel and clasping it to the little goblin's chest.

"I have my secrets, and you have yours. Suffice it to say it will be profitable to both of us if Gringotts helps me keep my secrets. Agreed?" Harry answered with a quirk of one side of his mouth and just the hint of teeth showing as he smirked as he gave the documents a fast look over before nodding and sticking them in a enlarged pocket on his cargo pants.

The goblin looked from the gem clutched in his hands then back at Harry and smiled again while nodding vigorously. "Agreed." The goblin stated before looking down at his desk where a total of Harry's vault contents were just being listed; a total that caused the goblin's eyes to almost bug out.

Harry tried not to laugh as the goblin's wide eyes and vigorous head nodding reminded Harry of his old friend Dobby. Hermoine had mentioned that due to the inflation of the future and the forging of new Galleons to meet that inflation, that there was a good chance that Harry's fortune would be larger than what the Goblins were used to in 1941; assuming of course that Harry had to deposit his treasure in the bank due to some emergency that made him stay in the past longer than expected. However even Hermione Granger and all her brilliance couldn't have taken into account all of Harry's abilities to botch up a well thought out plan.

"Th-Then is there any more business that Gringotts can do to help our new largest depositor?" The goblin stuttered as he looked down from the total balance in Harry's account before looking up towards the smirking Harry.

Harry looked down at his fingers, which held the hidden house rings for both Potter and Black, before back to the goblin with a shrug, "I don't suppose you could get me a House Lord ring that would signify that I'm the lord of house Bond?" Harry questioned.

The goblin smiled down and quickly pulled a large gold ring out of a drawer on his desk, the ring being blank on the top. The goblin quickly looked around to make sure that no wizards were paying attention before wiggling his sharp clawed hands at the ring until a shield with a large capital B appeared in the middle of the signet ring.

"I pulled that out of a box of Snapper-Jacks down in the goblin city, but it should tide you over until you can get some jewels added to it and have it enchanted with sufficient head of house charms." The goblin stated with a smirk.

Harry smirked back, "Well then, that should do it. I'll send an owl to Ragnok to see if he agrees to manage my account, and depending on that I might have some suggestions on investments." Harry finished before nodding his head in a half bow to the teller.

"Here's hoping to a rather profitable relationship." Harry completed before swiveling on his heel and tromping away with his robes billowing behind him; a charm Harry had stolen from Snape and used now just to spite the man even though Snape may never know about it.

"You too Lord Bond." The goblin said with a smirk at the departing wizard who had just made his day. However the goblin's smirk soon dropped off the little carnivore's face and the teller shouted. "Next!" and went back to reviewing account sheets as he waited for the next annoying wizard that the goblin had to deal with.

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><p>Harry in turn breezed out the Bank's door feeling like the king of the world with his robes fluttering behind him and giving him that sense of pizzazz and daring-do; or at least he thought so.<p>

Ever since coming back to the past things had actually been going ok for him, if not so surprisingly with a mix of both good and bad luck. First Harry had finished off Tom Riddle, only find out that he was stuck in the past and had accidentally made a horcrux. Then said horcrux had tricked Harry into casting a mind ward that had granted Harry fixed vision and perfect occlumency, though with a dose of incredible pain and the chance of anal leakage.

Harry smiled to himself from the top of the Gringotts bank steps as he was happy to remember that he had really missed that bullet regarding the anal leakage. In the end, even though he was stuck in the past with no real immediate hope of returning to his friends and what was left of his family, at least he was starting off with a large sum of money and no dark lord hunting him or real responsibilities of any sort.

"I even got to start my trip back in time with pranks on dear old Tom and now the wizarding world; I think my Dad, Sirius and Remus would have been proud of me if they could see me now." Harry stated to himself as he looked around at the bustling Diagon Alley.

Harry's smile grew large, "Yep, life is good." Harry said to himself, hands planted on his hips as he took in a big breath of fresh air, smells of baked goods, meat pies and the hustle and bustle of the alley before him.

And that's when the Chinese curse of an interesting life struck, and screams sounded up and down the Alley as wizards in tight fitting black robes, jackboots and Grindelwald's Nazi like regalia warped into the shopping district, and spells began to fly.

"Oh bugger." Harry stated, just as a green death curse soared through the air right at his noggin.

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><p><strong>AN: That's where it is going to have to end for now. You know he doesn't die, so it's not really that much of a cliffy. Hope you enjoyed this little ditty, it was a nice break from writing Spark, Aspects and Freak as I try and figure out where to go with my other more intricate stories. Let me know your thoughts and if you like it. As far as going forward, I'm thinking that Harry is going to get tangled up in World War II whether he likes it or not, and in true Harry the hero style end up doing the lone wolf type activities where it is him versus overwhelming odds. I see perhaps covert activities in Europe and maybe even helping out the allied war front or fighting Gellert and Grindelwald's forces while getting the girl; it's about time Harry started getting the girl, or girls. Who knows, perhaps save some Veela tribes from extermination or capture, sow a little chaos in the Nazi and evil wizard's ranks? Perhaps even meet Ian Fleming whom James Bond was originally based on? Let me know your thoughts please. Cheers!<strong>


	4. Chapter 4: A Superpower Called Logic

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money off this in any way. That should do it for a disclaimer.

**AN: I'm a bit discouraged with the reaction to Spark at the moment, so thought I would dive back into my HP stories for a while. That said, here is another chapter of Oops, hope you enjoy it. Please note that this hasn't been beta-read, as I don't have a beta for this story; feel free to volunteer if you feel you can edit well and you would like early access. Cheers!**

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><p><strong>Parsel<strong>

'_Thinking'_

"Normal talk"

**Chapter 4: A Superpower Called Logic**

"I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it." ~Unknown

In the wizarding world, logic could be treated like a super power if for no other reason than it is so rare. Now it is not entirely the wizard and witches fault that they normally can't think or do the logical thing, it's primarily magic that screws with the scientific norms that lead to logical progression. With magic, what goes up doesn't always come back down, you can make something from nothing with conjuring, and the rules of conservation of energy seem to be more like polite suggestions than laws when you wield a wand.

With that in mind, when it comes to magical combat the average witch or wizard normally throws logic out the window and relies on their instincts, which are to resort to magic. When a wizard wants to comb their hair or brush their teeth, they use magic. When a wizard wants to make dinner, tie their shoes, clean their clothes or go about their daily work then they also use magic. So it's no wonder that after a significant enough period of time in the wizarding world, a wizard will resort to magic as their instinctual first, and possible only, choice. Even Lily Potter ne Evans, that brilliant muggleborn witch succumbed to this lack of logic after ten plus years in the wizarding world when she allowed Peter Pettigrew to be chosen as secret keeper rather that she or her husband James. However that is a subject for another time.

No, when most wizards are faced with magical combat, they use magic as their defense; namely shields. Thus it was that when the average witch or wizard was faced with the "unblockable" avada kedavra death curse, they froze like a deer in the headlights.

However given that Harry Potter had been forced to live in the muggle world for the first eleven years of his life followed by the subsequent summer for the rest of his years, well he used logic.

When Harry walked out of Gringotts bank and saw Grindelwald's soldiers dressed in SS uniforms and fling an Avada Kedavra at his noggin, well he did the logical thing… he ducked.

The green beam of death magic flew over Harry's head and blew apart the bank's warning to thieves as the curse hit the lintel straight on.

Meanwhile, Harry turned his duck into a headfirst leap that sent him soaring down and over the stairs to roll across the paving stones before popping up three feet in front of the wide eyed surprised German wizard.

Harry hopped to his feet with his wand already in hand while smirking at the wizard who was momentarily stunned due to the "unblockable" curse missing.

"Tada!" Harry said with a smirk, his wand whipping up to touch the Adam's apple of the enemy wizard as a silent diffindo launched from the tip of his holly and phoenix feather wand.

The unknown Nazi garbed wizard's head popped off like a champagne cork as Harry's diffindo came out a heck of a lot more powerful than he expected and went on to scalp the brainpan of a second Grindelwald soldier who was casting a crucio on a woman and her child. The curse then went on to slice through a lamp pole, then through a warded glass shop window where it continued to carved through several stacks of pewter caldrons.

Harry blinked as blood splattered over his face, and then blinked again as what had felt like a normal cutting curse did a hell of a lot more damage than he was used to.

Harry looked down at the tip of his wand, but then realized he was pointing his own wand at his face and jerked it away, not wanting whatever unknown factor that affected his spell to take his eye out.

Harry looked around quickly and noticed that though there was some resistance here and there where husbands and wives protected their families; for the most part the remaining five enemy soldiers of Grindelwald were controlling the street; red bands on their arms with the mark of the Deathly Hollows clearly showing who the enemy served.

Harry heard a whimper to his left so turned quickly and saw that the woman and child were shivering under the effects of the cruciatus curse.

Harry checked to make sure that no soldiers were coming their way, and so quickly strode forward to the women.

"Here now, we have to get you out of here." Harry stated as he attempted to pull the woman off the ground where she was crouching protectively over her young son. However his attempt to pull her up by the arm only caused a greater whimper of pain as the nerves and muscles in her body had cramped up under the crucio.

"Damn-it!" Harry cursed with a frown before flicking his wand several times at mother and child. Due to the number of times that Harry had experienced the torture curse, Hermione had made sure that Harry memorized the counter charms and medical spells needed to sooth the enflamed nerves, cramping muscles and pain; even if she had to invent some of the spells herself.

The woman's whimpering stopped and when Harry was able to get her to stand, she saw that her son had only had a mild dose due to the woman taking the blunt of the spell.

The woman looked down and checked on her son before noticing the dead wizard at her feet and paling before turning to Harry. "Thank you kind Sir, if it wasn't for you, well…"

Harry smiled at her and couldn't help but puff his chest up a bit as his eyes quickly darted around to make sure they were safe for the moment.

"No problem Mademoiselle," Harry said with a debonair smile as he looked into the doe like large brown eyes that were part of an attractive heart shaped face surrounded by long brown curls. The women had curves in all the right places, as he Victorian era dress showed off her slim corseted waist and hourglass figure.

A spell flew over their head to splash against the wall of the shop next to them, causing Harry to duck instinctively and then quickly look around to notice that the fight was moving their way.

"Come on, we're not done here yet. We have to get you to cover." Harry said, one arm quickly swinging down to pull the young wide eyed lad off the ground while his second arm encircled the woman's waist and pulled them into the tight alley hidden between the two buildings.

Harry tested the air, and his magic told him that anti-apparition wards were up surrounding that part of Diagon Alley.

"Damn, well you will have to stay here for now, but I'll be back after I finish the battle." Harry said bravely as he set the woman's son down and let the woman go to return to the fray.

"Wait." The woman said suddenly, darting a hand forward to clasp Harry's hand as he turned to leave.

Harry turned to look at the woman with an inquisitive raise of an eyebrow.

The woman blushed at Harry, and she looked down before looking up at him and her eyelashes batted subconsciously, "At least tell me the name of my Hero." She requested.

Harry's smile slid up his face. "Bond," He said with a slight smirk and a bow of his head, "Lord Bond."

Then with a twirl on his heel, Harry sprinted off down the gap between the buildings while flinging an illusion spell over his shoulder, shielding the mother and child from view.

"Mommy, I want to be just like Lord Bond when I grow up. I want to be the bestest fighter of dark wizards, just like him." The boy stated with unabridged awe at the retreating hero, causing the blushing mother to blink and turn her attention to her little boy.

The woman smiled as she bent down and gave him a big protective hug.

"Alastor, you can be anything you want to be when you grow up." The woman said with a smile before looking back down the alley and adding, "But now we have to be quiet until our hero returns to tell us it's safe."

* * *

><p>Harry exited the gap between the buildings like a hellion of war. His recently stolen yew wand flicked out of a holster on his left wrist and into his hand, and then his two wands began to spin. Like a drummer at a heavy metal rock concert, Harry's wands beat a machinegun like staccato as spells flew left and right from his wands.<p>

Cutting, piercing, immolating fire, ice spears, thrown objects, shredding, lung collapsing and organ bursting curses flew like raindrops in a monsoon, all of them coming from Harry's rapidly twirling swirling wands. This wasn't the Harry Potter who took on Voldemort with an expelliarmus in the graveyard of his fourth year at Hogwarts; this was the Lord Harry James We-don't-use-no-stinking-stunners Bond who had come to sleep with hot women and kick dark wizard arse.

A cutting curse bisected an enemy soldier's forearm followed quickly by the man's torso shaking as it was pin-cushioned with several piercing curses to the torso followed by an ice spear to the back of the neck. Meanwhile a second enemy soldier went down as his hastily conjured shield was overwhelmed by the flamethrower spell of fire that roared around the man's shield and clung like napalm until the heat overwhelmed the dark wizard before crushing in and turning the man to ash.

Harry glared in concentration as the death of the two invading wizards brought the attention of the remaining three SS wizard onto Harry Harry; the previously defending wizard civilians quickly took the opportunity to flee rather than help Harry fight.

Three wands were pointed at Harry's duel wielded two, and then Harry became a whirling dervish who twisted aside as purple energy soared at him to his left, followed by a bombardment hex at his feet which he dodged by doing an acrobatic flip kick that sent him rolling horizontally through the air three feet above the ground.

Harry landed feet planted before springing to the side again, all the while flicks of Harry's wands sent paving stones, sign posts and even the corpses of fallen enemies into the path of incoming spells or banished at the attacking wizards. In the hail of glass, stone and mangled limbs, Harry got a lucky hit in with a paving stone that skipped off the head of the enemy soldier on the furthest right as a sound like broken glass crashing denoted the falling of the anti-apparition ward.

Red cloaked Aurors appeared in droves as popping sounds echoed throughout the alley. However rather than help in the fight, the Aurors quickly grabbed fallen civilians and popped them away to safety.

Still, Harry was busy finishing off the dazed enemy soldier with an intestine twisting curse that sent the soldier of Grindelwald screaming to the ground while Harry shielded against a series of dark spells with his holly wand.

A green death curse slipped past Harry and he saw it strike an appearing Auror in the chest, causing the red robed young women to drop like a puppet without its strings.

"You bastards." Harry growled and stopped his dodging as a bright mirrored silver shield appeared from his yew wand as a flame whip appeared from the tip of his holly wand.

Harry stomped forward with a growl, not bothering to dodge any more but rather blocking or reflecting the spells back at the enemy as his fire-whip cracked in a broad circle before launching forward like a tentacle to catch the enemy commander around the chest.

Harry grinned evilly as he gave his fire-whip a yank, and heard the man's scream cut off in a huff of air as Harry's whip tightened and burnt its way straight through the attacking enemy commander while at the same time Harry deflected a dark shredding curse from the last remaining invader.

Harry's eyes swung to focus on the last remaining combatant and the soldier paled. The remaining soldier of Grindelwald's raiding group took his wand and tapped the red arm band on his shoulder to disappear in the blue flash of a portkey… only leaving a foot behind as Harry's fire-whip was slightly faster.

"Drop your wands and surrender! You're under arrest!" A voice yelled from behind Harry, causing him to pause and halt his instinctive reaction to turn around and curse first, ask questions later.

Harry canceled out his shield and fire-whip and flicked his wands so they slid back up his holsters while turning around slowly with his hands up and a broad smile on his face.

"Good afternoon officers, what a nice day for a battle, don't you think?" Harry questioned nonchalantly with a broad smile on his face as he turned around to face four nervous and wand-happy young junior Aurors who were looking a bit green at the destruction and death around them.

"Where did your wands go?" The bravest of the four, a young man with a few stray chin hairs questioned with a shaky voice, "You will drop your wands on the ground and surrender for arrest." The young man demanded.

Harry just kept a smile on his face, the fact that he realized he was standing in a puddle of blood not really bothering him that much given the provider of said blood had just been trying to kill him.

"Um, I'm going to have to say no." Harry said jovially, only to see the Aurors tense and a stunner fly straight towards Harry.

Harry's instinctive seeker reactions acted instantly, and his hand whipped out to intercept the stunner.

Now normally it doesn't matter where a stunner hits you, you're unconscious whether it hits your head or your baby toe.

However in this case, Harry's unconscious reaction saved him from a mid afternoon nap as his hand batted away the spell, causing the red beam of magic to slap into the cobblestoned street.

Harry's mind seemed to hiccup and skip a beat as he realized what had just happened.

The lead junior Auror's mouth dropped open, and one of the younger Auror's in the back dropped her wand in shock as all four of them stared wide eyed at the fact that the man had just wandlessly batted away a stunner.

Harry in turn turned his hand over and checked his palm, "Ahhhoough?" He grunted in confusion, before looking back at the Aurors and blinking.

The Aurors blinked.

Harry blinked back… and then he smiled and shrugged.

"Eh, I've seen weirder." Harry stated with a large smile and raised his hand towards the Aurors, causing all four of them to dodge back and spread out a bit at Harry's action.

"Now as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Harry stated with a large smile as he straightened his back and haughtily looked down his nose at the Aurors while doing his best Lucius Malfoy imitation. Even Harry had to grudgingly admit that Lucius Malfoy was the perfect example of the pureblood lord who talked his way out of getting arrested, though Harry mentally swore he would need to take a bath when he got home to his tent; acting like a Malfoy just made Harry feel dirty.

"I will not be under arrest as I was merely defending myself and the people of this fair alley, which is the right of all Pureblood Lords. For I am Lord Bond, Lord Harry James Bond." Harry completed while striking a pose and looking over his left shoulder with his right hand planted on his hip and his left hand waving his fake gold head of house ring in the Aurors' faces.

More popping sounds issued from around the alley as mediwitches began to appear to tend to the remaining wounded, and families carefully left the confines of the shops where they had been hiding.

With all the action going on, the young Aurors realized that they wanted to get away from this pureblood lord who could wandlessly slap away spells and was able to easily defeat seven of Grindelwald's well trained dark wizards.

Harry looked over the heads of the Aurors and noticed the young woman he had saved earlier poke her head out of the gap between the caldron shop and an apothecary.

Harry smiled and he triggered a charm that caused his eyes to sparkle, just like Dumbledore used to do… or in this case would do so in the future.

'_Damn it feels good to steal Dumbledore's trick before the old man can use it.' _Harry thought to himself with a smirk, _'Let's see how he is treated when people realize he is merely copying me.'_ Harry finished thinking before addressing the nervous Aurors.

"Ah, I see that the young lady I rescued is in need of returning home. I bid you good day." Harry stated haughtily before walking past the Aurors without so much as a "by your leave".

Harry's wand flipped into his right hand and he gave it a wave at his body while casting a cleaning spell. Now cleaned, Harry cut a daring figure as his robes billowed behind him, _'Ha! Take that Snape! I stole your signature charm also.'_ and his eyes twinkled, _'Ha! You too Dumbledore!' _as Harry marched forward towards the young mother and her son whom Harry had saved earlier.

The young woman blushed as Harry moved towards her, and she averted her eyes for a moment before he was just up in front of her.

"You and your son should be safe now Ms…" Harry stated, pausing at the end in question for her name.

"Alison, the widow Alison Moody." The young woman stated as she raised her hand demurely for Harry to take.

Harry heard the name and paused, looked down to the young boy at the woman's side, and then smiled largely as his eyes twinkled and he leaned over her hand and gave it a kiss.

"A pleasure Ms. Moody. And I must say that you are the most attractive young widow that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting." Harry stated, the breath from his words tickling the back of her hand and causing Ms. Moody to shiver with goose bumps.

Harry rubbed his finger over the back of her knuckles as he released her hand, and he smirked a bit as he saw her blush deepen.

"And you must be Alastor if I had my guess." Harry stated as he leaned down towards the young boy and ruffled his hand through the eight or nine year old boy's hair.

Alastor just looked back at Harry wide eyed, "How-how did you know my name?" The young Alastor Moody said in awe.

Harry laughed and smiled, "Ha! You look like an Alastor." Harry quipped back, and then gave Alastor's mother a wink that caused her to giggle also.

"Wow, Lord Bond, I want to be just like you when I grow up. Then I'll be the best Dark Wizard catcher in the world, just like you!" Young Alastor replied proudly, tugging on Harry's open robes to get Harry's attention.

"I'm sure you will." Harry stated as he reached forward and tweaked Alastor's nose, which caused the boy to slap both hands to his face and frown up at Harry.

Harry had to laugh again as the young future dark wizard catcher frowned up at him.

"Remember, constant vigilance." Harry chided playfully with the young boy while pretending to go for Alastor's nose again; the young boy shook his head from side to side and kept his nose covered with his hands so that Harry couldn't tweak it again.

Alison Moody smiled at the byplay between her son and her brave savoir who not only saved her and her son, but also healed them of the unforgivable that had been cast upon them. It was then that she noticed what was written on Harry's shirt about him wielding a staff rather than a wand, and she subconsciously licked her lips.

"However can we thank you for saving us?" She asked as she rested her hand on his bicep, feeling Harry's sinewy hard muscles beneath the fabric of the robe.

Harry turned to look at Alison, and caught her checking out his shirt, and then he noted her eyes dart down to look lower on his body. When she looked into his eyes and realized she had been caught, she blushed a deep rosy red.

Harry smirked at her, giving a patented Potter smirk that had caused so many Hogwart's girls panties to drop for his father Prongs; and would have done so for Harry if he hadn't been such a tetchy little brooding bugger when he was in school.

"I'm sure we can think of something my dear." Harry stated with a smirk as he looked into her eyes. "Now look deep into my eyes and think of your home and I will side along apparate us there."

Alison felt hot and bothered as she looked deeply into the sparkling green eyes of her handsome savior, and then with a "Pop" the three of them disappeared.

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><p><strong>AN: Another installment of oops and also the beginning of the legend of Bond, Lord Harry James Bond. The action happened, and now the romance begins. I don't think I'm going to really be writing lemon scenes into this story but rather will hint at copious amounts of sex taking place. Still, the humor and fun byplay will be in every chapter, and action will be scattered throughout. I hope you enjoy it, please let me know. Cheers!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5: Knowledge Tastes Funny

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money off this in any way. That should do it for a disclaimer.

**AN: These chapters are nice and fluffy compared to what it takes to write spark of genius or freak of nature, so they come out pretty quickly when they pop into my mind. That said, you will never get a 25k word chapter for this story, they are going to be relatively short at around 3k. Also, this hasn't been beta read, so oh well. I hope you continue to enjoy this story as your messages and ideas help keep my interest in writing this fun piece. Cheers!**

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><p><strong>Parsel<strong>

'_Thinking'_

"Normal talk"

**Chapter 5: Knowledge Tastes Funny**

"To me, bad taste is what entertainment is all about." ~John Waters

The morning light slipping between white velvet curtains woke the naked Harry from his slumber. Blinking his eyes, Harry tried to figure out where he was.

'_Fingers and toes, check.' _Harry thought to himself while wiggling said digits, only to clasp his hand and cup something wonderfully round and firm yet squishy, hard, yet soft, and a perfect fit for his hand.

Harry's clasping of the yet to be named object caused a moan to issue from the warm head that was resting on Harry's shoulder.

Harry blinked the sleep out of his eyes and smiled to his left shoulder when he realized where he was… still entangled in the arms and sheets of one Alison Moody, mother of Alastor Moody who in another time and place had been Harry's Defense against the Dark Arts professor; well sort of.

'_If I ever get back to the future, I'm so going to tease Moody about sleeping with his mum.'_ Harry mentally quipped with a smirk.

Harry mentally giggled to himself as he carefully slid his free right arm up and under his pillow where he had stashed his holly wand; the yew wand being hidden in an invisible holster on his left wrist and the Elder wand, aka The Deathstick, was still sequestered on an invisible and tightly tied holster on his right ankle.

Harry's holly wand easily slid into his hand, and the brief sense of warmth and tingle that greeted him reminded him of the first time he had chosen the wand; or more precisely the wand had chosen him.

Harry leaned away from Alison's sleeping figure, her long brown curled hair splayed about the pillow and Harry's left shoulder, and then he flicked his wand at her a few times.

Warming, levitating and a light sleeping charm quickly applied, Harry freed his left arm from Alison and then pulled the sheets and blankets up to cover her nude figure as she snuggled into the pillow that Harry had just been resting on.

Harry saw Alison smile in her sleep, and Harry silently smiled also as he flicked his wand around the room and his scattered clothing flew from around the room to land gently in his arms where he pulled it on quickly. Harry gently sat on the bed and tied on his combat boots, and then stood up and pulled on his open robes and irreverent t-shirt from the day before.

A few silent cleaning charms and Harry was right as rain before turning to smile fondly down at the picture of beauty that was Alison Moody. It had been a good time, but he definitely wasn't planning on sticking around. Further, thanks to contraceptive charms, he didn't have to worry about any surprise visits from the stork, or was that hippogriff in magical myth?

Harry bit his lip in thought, and then his eyes lit up as an idea came to him.

Sticking his hand in his cargo pants pocket, Harry delved his hand all the way up to the elbow before he found what he was looking for; you have to love expanded space pockets and such.

Harry pulled his hand out of his pocket to show a crimson blood red ruby the size of his fist; a bobble compared to some of the wealth in his vaults but still worth many years worth of salary to the normal witch or wizard.

Holding the ruby in the palm of his hand, and biting his lip in thought, Harry traced an intricate series of lines and circles around the ruby before tapping it right on the top of its multifaceted surface.

Silently and almost instantly Harry was left with a bright red thornless rose in his hand.

Smiling at an excellent triggered transfiguration, Harry leaned over and kissed Alison on the forehead and slid the rose into her arms and resting on the pillow next to her head. The moment she picked it up and smelled it, it would transform back into the ruby that Harry had used as the base matter.

A few flicks of the wrist towards where the rose was, and the rose was joined by a small note that read, "You're welcome for the save, and thank you for your vigorous thanks. Here is something to remember me by. ~Lord Harry James Bond."

Then with a slight "pop" Harry disappeared from the Moody household, three minutes before young Alastor burst into his mother's room and pounced on the bed.

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><p>The sensation of being squeezed through a tight tube stopped as Harry found himself standing just outside the front flap of his wizarding tent; still hidden behind the Shrieking Shack in the forest outside Hogsmead.<p>

With a jaunty spring to his step and a whistled nameless tune on his smiling lips, Harry pushed through the flap of his tent only to cut off his whistle and stop midstep in surprise.

Somebody had trashed his tent, or more particularly, something.

"Burp" The large magical horcrux tome on the table burped and released a flurry of confetti that joined the piles and piles of chewed up shredded paper and books that lain strewn across every surface of his tent's main living room.

To the right of Harry laid the chewed cover of an Advanced Transfiguration book, and right next to it was a book on Calculus that had definitely seen better days given the fact that it didn't have a single page that was left intact. In fact, strips of paper from over several hundred books and magazines covered the floors, couches, chairs and tables; and there was even a mostly chewed through cover of a potions tome laying perched over a rung of the chandelier's candelabra.

"Merlin's saggy ball-sack, what the bloody hell happened in here?" Harry cursed before slogging his way through the mess as Harry's Horcrux burped again and sent another spray of paper flying through the air.

"It looks like Hagrid's cerberus Fluffy got into the Hogwart's library and decided to use it as a chew toy." Harry griped as he finally slid his feet through the remnants of torn books as he moved toward the table where his horcrux rested.

" You've got a lot of explaining to do Book." Harry growled and reached out to grab his horcrux.

The moment Harry's hands got within an inch of his horcrux, a spark shot out between Harry and the tome launching the book off the table and sending Harry reeling to the floor.

"Gaaahhh!" Harry shouted as his legs flopped out from underneath him and the world started to spin for him.

"Somebody stop the portkey, I want to get off!" Harry groaned loudly as he collapsed under the table, only the piles of shredded paper stopped his head from bouncing off the floor.

"Blargh!" The Horcrux book threw up a load of paper before flopping open limply.

"Wow, the memories of the sex were great, but the download of information all at one time really sucks." The Book wrote back in a pained scribble.

"Morgana's succulent tit! It's like tasting a rainbow made out of algebra and transfiguration… Blargh!" Harry held his head, only to bend to the side and throw up a load of bile from his empty stomach before wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his robe and smacking his lips in disgust.

"Dear god book, why the hell did you have to go and eat so many potions books? The subject tastes like concentrated polyjuice potion with Snape's greasy hair as the additive." Harry cursed at his book as he slowly pushed himself up to his knees but swayed as he held himself on all fours.

"I was hungry, so sue me." The book griped before flipping a couple of pages to the back, "But in other news, I'm glad to learn that I can still enjoy sex, even if only second hand."

"Yeah, well good for you." Harry griped as he finally was able to push himself to his knees and sat back on his feet. His brain was a whirl of information as his mental occlumency wards, courtesy of the earlier accidental ritual, sorted out a seeming river of information into the background of his mind.

"That still doesn't explain why you decided to go and eat through half of the library Hermione sent along with us. I didn't even know you could eat something let alone wonder why!" Harry complained as he carefully reached down and pulled his horcrux off the floor.

"Ugh, dear Merlin you're heavy, so why the hell did I get a sudden dump of all this information." Harry griped as he lugged the book up onto the table and slapped it down with a heavy thud.

"Well I was feeling a bit peckish seeing as how I was used to eating lunch supper and breakfast when I was in human form, and then there was this really tasty looking French language book and I just bit it, don't ask me how. Next thing you know I'm doing an imitation of Vernon and Dudley at an all you can eat buffet and didn't realize I was absorbing the information until you got here and interrupted me." The book hastily scrawled.

"Well you do look a bit tubby." Harry taunted his book.

"Look who's talking runt, at least I can put on weight." The book snarked back at Harry.

Harry just shook his head, feeling his brains kind of wobbling around inside as colorful lights still danced through his vision, "That doesn't explain the information exchange when we touched." Harry complained.

"What part of I'm still part of your soul don't you understand numb nuts? When we touched, I guess our souls were close enough together to exchange information, don't ask me how I was able to eat it in the first place." The book grouchily stated; writing at the end of its sentence, "grouchily stated."

"Besides, you should be happy that I can absorb information from other books by eating them, saves us a whole hell of a lot of time that could have been taken up studying." The book wrote back haughtily.

Harry just shook his head in frustration, "Ok ok, it's somewhat of a welcome event, but did you really have to eat all of those backorders of Teen Witch Weekly? I mean come on, there must have been over a hundred different discussions about my ass in there, and after all of that gossip being uploaded I'll feel like a voyeur just looking at myself in the mirror. And don't even get me started on the hair care charms, I suddenly feel like a Malfoy… Brrrrr." The mere idea gave Harry the shivers.

"Yeah yeah, at least you have hair." The book complained as Harry took out his wand and started flinging cleaning and repairing charms all over the room.

Harry just ignored his Book's griping while he concentrated on cleaning up his tent from the disaster area it had been turned into. It took a good thirty minutes to finish cleaning up the area; thirty minutes that Harry spent in silent thought as he rapidly reviewed the new information that he had just acquired from his Horcrux via osmosis… diffusion… whatever.

A particular image made Harry go a bit green about the gills, and he almost gagged as he finished cleaning up a few remaining books, "DAAH! Why oh why did you have to eat the back ordered Potions Today article where Snape is actually smiling about becoming the youngest Potions Master in over a century… brrrrrr." Harry shivered in disgust as his occlumency refused to let him forget that horrible memory.

"It was a moment of weakness, the back article was about a great recipe for making chocolate fudge. Sorry about that. Mind ripping that new page out of me so at least I don't have to remember it?" The horcrux book requested, flipping towards the back of the newly expanded tome until it settled on the image from the front page of the Potions Today that had been added to the inside of Harry's Horcrux.

"Ah! Take it away, take it away! The eyes, they burn!" Harry covered his eyes and looked away quickly from the image of Snape actually smiling.

Harry had his left arm blocking his eyes while he reached out a flailing arm and forced the page to flip so that the image of pure evil would be covered from his sight.

"Fine, I'll take that as a no." The book wrote back drolly; finishing the sentence with a "written drolly."

Harry finally peaked out from behind his hand and saw that the book was currently opened to a page on advanced transfiguration, so uncovered his face to smirk down at his book.

"Nope, if I have to suffer, you have to suffer too." Harry teased his horcrux with a dark sneer.

The book's response was to flip back to the picture of Snape smiling, causing Harry to once again scream in pain and dive away from the table.

"Ahhh!" Harry screamed as he again covered his eyes, "Every time you show me that picture, a pixie loses its wings. Please, for the love of Merlin, think of the pixies!" Harry pleaded, wiping the tears of pain from his eyes.

The book flipped to a safe page and wrote slowly, "Fine fine, I'll stop torturing you."

Harry wiped the last tear out of his eyes as he approached the book, "Good, I was trying to figure out what we could do to-AGGGH!" Harry started to say, only for the book to once again open to the picture of Snape smiling.

Harry threw his head backwards, only to ricocheted his head off the low hanging chandelier and sent himself reeling to the floor with head trauma.

"Dear god, let the pain stop!" Harry held his head as he rolled on the floor in pain, not sure whether his eyes or the back of his head hurt worse.

"Fine fine, I'll stop, you big baby." The book wrote; not that Harry was reading what it was saying. Still it flipped its pages to a safer topic as Harry carefully extricated himself from the floor. "I figured we could take a day to go house hunting or something, it's not like we have anywhere we have to be." The book wrote as Harry peeked his head up over the edge of the table and saw what the book was writing on a safe page.

However before Harry could respond, a regal looking black owl carrying an official ministry sealed letter flew in the tent flap and landed on the table next to the book before looking at Harry expectantly.

Harry frowned at the owl when he saw the seal on the letter, then scowled down to the book.

"I think I hate you, or me, or whatever you are." Harry growled.

"Eh, interesting times, interesting times." The book wrote back flippantly.

Harry snatched the letter off of the owl's leg and broke the seal to read the letter.

"Dear Lord Bond, of the Ancient and Noble House of Bond,

It has come to the attention of the Ministry and the Wizengamot that you, a Lord of an Ancient and Noble House of the British Isles, were responsible for the thwarting and dispatching of an aggressive act against the sovereignty of the British Magical Kingdom at approximately eleven o'clock yesterday. Please note that due to your slaying of said aggressors from the Magical Reich of Germany, we are no longer in a state of neutrality with the Third Reich of Germany but have now been entered as an enemy power in confrontation with Germany's forces under the control of the Magical Prime Minister Gellert Grindelwald. In short, your sole actions have resulted in us declaring war on an enemy power greater than our own.

Your presence, mandatory, is requested at the next Wizengamot meeting to explain your actions and the repercussions of your act.

Sincerely,

Ottaline Gambol

Minister of Magic

P.S. The next meeting of the Wizengamot is scheduled to begin in one hour."

Harry stared at the letter and blinked. When he blinked, he noticed that the time had ticked down from one hour, to fifty nine minutes.

And then he blinked again.

"Holy Merlin on a broom, I caused Magical Great Britain to enter World War Two!" Harry cursed vehemently.

"Eh, Interesting times, Interesting times…" The book replied, not that Harry was reading it.

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><p><strong>AN: Ok, there you go, another chapter of Oops and more craziness. Yep, its official, Harry Potter caused the magical ministry of the United Kingdom to enter the war with Grindelwald; it's in the history books, just look it up… go on, I know you don't believe me but its true! I think I'm going to play this up as a dumb ministry who can't find its arse was more than happy to ignore the mainland's problems and put up with a few raids, but Harry's actions as a member of the governmentWizengamot brought them into the war. That saving people thing leads to more problems… Anyway, cheery'o pip pip and all that rot, hope you enjoy it, let me know. Cheers!**


	6. Chapter 6: Political Kerfuffle

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money off this in any way. That should do it for a disclaimer.

**AN: Ok, so I don't have a beta reader for this, so you've been warned. Been a while since I wrote at all, mostly given the fact that I was busy with this thing called real life but also because some emo angsty bastards really put me off my urge to write (Here now good sir. Yes you, the decidedly troll looking sort. Yes, now please excuse me you bastard, when did I put a vice clamp on your privies and force you to read my story? I didn't? Oh well, then you must have confused my story's review section pm box with reddit or the local privy. Please spread your excrement elsewhere, ta ta.) Oh well, enjoy the drivel and forgive the whining on my part. Here is another chapter of oops, a chapter that is setting the stage for a whole load of fun and frivolity; just need a reason to point Harry at the Nazi's and that Grindelwald wanker and let him have his fun. Cheers! **

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><p><strong>Parsel<strong>

'_Thinking'_

"Normal talk"

**Chapter 6: Political Kerfuffle **

"The cure for admiring the House of Lords is to go and look at it."  
>~Walter Bagehot<p>

"I will not start a fight, I will not start a fight, I will not start a fight." Harry mumbled to himself under his breath, a sort of self promotional mantra that he chanted along in his mind as he marched through the foyer of the British Ministry of Magic. Harry cut a dapper figure in his newly tailored Seville Road grey three piece suit and flowing black wizards robes that were emblazoned with the crest of House Bond. His shoes were shined, his robes were billowing thanks to Snape's old, or yet to be invented given the date of 1941, charm and his hair was a right mess; but then again his hair was always a proper mess and long before the 'bed head' look had come into style.

Harry reached the closed doors to the Wizengamot's chambers and took a big breath and then exhaled slowly as he steeled himself. "I will not start a fight with the pompous windbags of the Wizengamot, no matter how much I hate the Ministry." Harry said to himself as he shook out his shoulders, "I must get them to take me seriously." Harry finished, and then with shoulders thrown back, head up and back ramrod straight in that way that only English lords can do (the English rod up the arse charm but without the actual application of said charm) Harry threw open the double doors before him and marched into the Wizengamot.

That's when Harry's mantra started to fail completely.

Voices were arguing back and forth all over the multi-tiered chambers with old men bickering back and forth; not a one of the Wizengamot members looking younger than the age of fifty at a minimum and a great majority of them clearly over the age of one hundred.

Still, at Harry's entrance to the room there seemed to be one curmudgeonly old Wizengamot member who wasn't taking part in the arguments but was simply watching the room, as Harry was immediately and loudly confronted by said member.

Harry had just reached the floor of the Wizengamot when out of the second tier a sixty year old man wearing robes bearing the shield of House Malfoy jumped to his feet and yelled down at Harry, "Here now! The Wizengamot is in session, get out of here Boy!" The snide remark by Lord Malfoy immediately drew the attention of the rest of the member's Wizengamot to where Harry stood.

Harry saw the flowing long blonde hair of what could only be a Malfoy, and like a bull with a flag waved in front of him, Harry saw red with anger as flash backs of Draco and Lucius shot through his head. It didn't help that Lord Malfoy had called Harry "Boy" which was a seeming favorite phrase of Vernon Dursley when Harry was growing up.

"No, I will not leave you pompous bastard, and its Lord Boy…I mean Bond to you Malfoy!" Harry snapped back, his eyes squinting in anger.

"Bub bub bub," Lord Malfoy's blustered as words failed him and his eyes grew large as the Lord of House Malfoy started to turn a bright red color in indignation at being called a pompous bastard; not to mention by such a young man, and one claiming to be a Lord of the Wizengamot at that.

"Do you have a problem with the Ancient House of Bond and its Lord you craven cowardly cur?" Harry responded angrily, quoting insults that Harry had once overheard while he cleaned the Dursley's living room while his Aunt Petunia was busy watching one of her British daytime dramas.

A gasp issued across the entire Wizengamot, the kind of group intake of air that happens whenever something greatly startling happens in front of an audience or when a crowd winces in sympathy when a gymnast misses his landing on the balance beam and ends up straddling it and racking himself at full speed.

"Those are fighting words!" Lord Malfoy exclaimed in anger, his squinty eyed glare and red face not doing much to flatter his bleached blonde hair and albino complexion.

'_Well, there goes the idea of this going peacefully.' _Harry thought to himself with a mental shrug. _'Might as well make the best of it.'_ Harry thought as an evil idea began to germinate in his mind.

Harry smiled maliciously up at Lord Malfoy.

"That's right. I challenge you to a fight, right here, right now!" Harry said, grinning with white teeth gleaming up towards Malfoy.

Lord Malfoy puffed himself up, put his fists on his hips and replied, "I ACCEPT!"

Only for Harry's hand to blur in motion as an almost solid beam of red light shot from the tip of Harry's wand to bludgeon Lord Malfoy in the crotch.

"AIIIEEEEE!" The elderly Lord of House Malfoy screamed a high pitched bellow as he was blasted off his feet, his eyes crossed, and he flipping head over heels to crush several other Wizengamot members higher up in the chamber's sitting area.

Harry silently cheered in his mind, '_He's up, and it's Good!'_ _Heh, I bet even Draco felt that one_.' Harry thought as he sincerely hoped he might have hindered the Malfoy gene pool from spreading.

Lord Malfoy's landing in the upper balcony wasn't even accompanied with a grunt of pain, as the head of House Malfoy had been sufficiently knocked unconscious due to the mix of crotch bludgeoning and the whiplash momentum of the curse blasting him off his feet.

All were silent for a moment, and then mass pandemonium erupted as members were on their feet shouting. Some were yelling for Harry to be arrested for an attack on the House of Malfoy, while another part of the Wizengamot membership were cheering Harry's actions for some reason.

Harry looked over to the cheering section with a smug look. As Harry's gaze panned over the obviously more "light" aligned portion of the Wizengamot, those allied against Malfoy and his ilk, Harry noticed a very distinctive mop of dark messy hair. The man whose hair matched that of Harry's was sitting under the crest of House Potter, and next to that man was none other than Albus Dumbledore. As Harry looked around and smiled back arrogantly he saw Dumbledore was apparently trying to stop the "Light" side of the Wizengamot from cheering at Lord Malfoy's severe drubbing.

Harry could only smirk, and silently and wandlessly cast the eye twinkling charm as he momentarily locked eyes with one Albus Dumbledore, current head of House Dumbledore and a professor at Hogwarts.

Albus frowned with disappointment down at the young lord when Dumbledore locked eyes with Lord Bond; part of the frown was caused by the disturbing twinkling in young Lord Bond's eyes which while coupled with the smirk was damn annoying.

Harry allowed both sides to continue yelling for several minutes. The Light side not having a true leader at that date and time so was being exuberant in their praise of young Lord Bond, while the Dark side of the Wizengamot, the side that was trying to nurse Lord Malfoy back into consciousness, were currently yelling down at the young Lord Bond and suggesting several anatomically or genealogically improbable curses about the Bond lineage and where Lord Bond should disappear to.

Finally Harry had enough fun causing chaos, so raised his wand and released a concussive hex that made a clap of sound equivalent to standing at ground zero of a lightning strike.

"What part of 'Right here and right now' did you misunderstand? Not my fault that Malfoy accepted a fight without thinking it through." Harry's voice was heard to ask as the ringing in the Lords' ears dulled enough for them to hear again.

Silence was Harry's only answer as the collective members of the Wizengamot seemed to blink in confusion as they went back over his words and realized exactly what Lord Bond had done, while Harry just smiled back at the room with his eyes twinkling.

"How very Slytherin of you…" Stated a familiar voice that drew Harry's attention towards his former, um, future Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore.

"Bond, Lord Bond to you Lord Dumbledore. And thank you by the way professor Dumbledore," Harry stated with a smirk at Dumbledore, "I was always told that I would succeed well in that house, though my earlier years more leant their way towards bravely fighting for what was right. Though maybe you have forgotten that this isn't the school where you teach at but your other duty?" Harry chided playfully before adding, "Comparing my to a child assigned to a house at your school could almost be construed as saying I was childish."

Dumbledore returned Harry's smirk with a grandfatherly smile as the crowded tiers of the room mumbled and whispered together at Lord Bond's reply.

"And that leads us to why we are here today Lord Bond, chiding you for your willingness to fight and endanger our society, which does not serve the Greater Good. Your involvement with Grindelwald's soldiers has endangered our entire society." Dumbledore chided Harry as if he was a young child.

Harry's smile dropped off his face the instant he heard Dumbledore's recriminations, and what had started off as a joke about childishness started to make Harry a bit peeved. Here was Dumbledore, going off on his high horse about the Greater Good this, and the Greater Good that. As if the old man had the right to rule Harry's life when it was clear that Harry was an adult and not some child to control.

Harry's response was as biting as it was sarcastic, "Greater good?" Harry paused as he melodramatically posed, one foot out in front of the other, elbow crooked up as he tapped his chin in thought as if trying to remember something.

"Ah yes! Now I remember that term." Harry stated in an exaggerated manner and pointed his finger towards the ceiling as if having a eureka moment.

Then Harry, or Lord Bond in this situation, wheeled to glare and point at Dumbledore with an evil grin while responding. "The Greater Good… Isn't that the phrase that you and your lover Gellert Grindelwald came up with? If I remember correctly, the only thing that separated you two was your disagreement on how to reach that greater good for society? I believe your sister was killed in that heated disagreement and you don't who fired the spell that killed her, am I not correct?"

The silence was only broken by the combined gasps of horror as the whole chamber stopped slack jawed at what they had just heard. Dumbledore's grandfatherly look faded from his face in an instance as horror painted his face, the color draining from his complexion as his deepest darkest secrets were exposed for all of the United Kingdom's Wizarding Society in one foul swoop.

Harry smirked, sure it was cruel. Harry had already lived the majority of his life being controlled by Dumbledore, and he wasn't about to allow it to happen in this new time period. However, it was then that Harry realized that he might have gone too far in exposing Dumbledore's dirty laundry when mumbled recriminations started to turn into shouted attacks, and one person dared to state loudly enough for others to hear that "Murderer! Dumbledore should be arrested for Grindelwald's actions."

"Silence!" Harry shouted, spinning on his spot and daring any of the other Wizengamot members to interrupt him. Given the fact that Harry had just verbally and physically destroyed two members of the Wizengamot in just as many minutes, the other members of the Wizengamot were quick to follow Harry's command.

"Shame on you!" Harry wheeled, hands thrown up in the air as he pointed at random people in the tiers of the chamber.

"Shame on you for blaming Dumbledore for murder when your crimes are even greater than his." Harry, dressed as Lord Bond saw several members puff up to defend themselves, but Harry just raised his voice louder so that they didn't have a chance to deny Harry's accusation.

"You all don't have a bloody foot to stand on. Who are you to say Dumbledore should be blamed for the actions of another when you yourself should be protecting our people. You bloody hypocrites! First you call this meeting to chide me for defending people, then you go and blame another for not doing anything, and all after you allowed the citizens of our nation to be openly attacked!" Harry was furious at the bloody inconsistency and downright backwardness of the Ministry of Magic. One second they were loving somebody, the next condemning them all on a whim and without taking any responsibilities for their own actions.

"How dare you bastards allow Grindelwald's troops to run rampant in our streets killing and torturing while you do nothing but point the finger at others." Harry stated with a growl as his control on his magic started to slip, his eyes beginning to glow a bright green as a noticeable aura of power began to warp the air around him and cause it to waver. Harry hated the Ministry of Magic. They loved him when he saved them, then attacked him for the very actions that were their salvation.

Harry pointed at the elderly members of the Wizengamot and mocked them, "You sit up there, dressed like peacocks and attack the only people who would actually leave these chambers and raise a wand against the terror of Grindelwald, and you dare to call him a murderer? You dare to chastise me for doing your job, your auror's jobs?" Harry growled.

Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Dumbledore starting to perk up again and about to interrupt, so Harry cut that off at the pass with a quick comment, "Sure Dumbledore played sheathe the wand in the rear holster with the homicidal maniac Grindelwald, but at least He's fought the bastard." And just like that, Harry had shut down any attempt by Dumbledore to interrupt as Harry's former/future headmaster again visibly deflated in his seat.

"And to the rest of you! What is your bloody problem with me fighting back against Grindelwald's troops in our streets?" Lord Harry James Bond demanded, before pausing and waiting for an answer; both fists firmly planted on his hips as the air around him snapped and fizzled with releasing energy.

The Wizengamot sat goggle eyed just looking down at the angry young Lord.

It was silent for a moment, before finally one of the braver members of the Wizengamot responded, "It's your fault we are going to war. Your actions have led to Grindelwald declaring war on the United Kingdom's Wizarding society."

Harry turned to look at the man who had answered, and Harry looked at the man as if the representative was the biggest idiot Harry had ever had the pleasure of meeting.

"You mean you're worried about actual war when he is already attacking you? Torturing your women and children and destroying your economy?" Harry questioned in disgust.

The representative, who had answered Harry, now looked around for support without really finding any, having. The shoe was suddenly on the other foot as none of the other Wizengamot members was willing to meet the man's eyes. Finally, the representative gulped before turning back to address Lord Bond with a shrug and a mumbled, "Um… yes." The reply sounded more like a question than a solid answer, but it was enough to really get Harry steamed at the idiocy of the Wizarding world and their Ministry of Magic.

"BAH! Bah I say! You are all a bunch of sheep!" Harry threw up his hands in disgust before stomping back towards the doorway leading out of the chamber. "Bugger this!" Harry cursed before pivoting on his heel to address the chamber one more time. "You all have been at war this whole time whether you admit it or not! Now go do your bloody jobs and stop trying to give me a load of shite about this being my fault."

Then Harry pointed to several members of the Wizengamot in succession, "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" Harry pointed at Dumbledore and paused for a second, "I'm not going to offer to fuck you because you would enjoy it."

Harry then wheeled to point at the person next to Dumbledore only to realize he was pointing at the man who must have been Harry's Grandfather, the Lord of House Potter who was surprisingly smirking at Harry's actions, "You I think I like." Harry finished with a smile before pivoting on his heel again back towards the door and storming out with a two fingered salute over his shoulder. With a wave of Harry's hand, wandlessly banishing the doors to the Chamber off their hinges and out of his way, he stated in passing, "I need a bloody drink."

Behind the retreating Lord Bond, Harry left chaos as the chamber immediately devolved into a yelling match.

* * *

><p>Harry stormed out of the Ministry of Magic through the entrance into Diagon Alley, down Diagon Alley and through the Leaky Caldron and out into muggle London.<p>

The change in scenery was immediately apparent as not only were the people dressed in nineteen thirties/forties apparel, but rubble and bricks were piled up here and there as the building immediately across the street from the entrance to the Leaky Caldron was a bomb blasted hulk that still smoked and lay crumpled amongst the other flats and stores that lined the street.

Men in flat plated British military helmets and infantry gear reviewed the damage searching for unexploded ordinance while neighbors and the neighborhood blackout marshals helped fill in the crater that had taken out the front of the house and a good section of the street.

Harry just shook his head in wonder as this is something he had never really experienced in his era, not only the open signs of warfare in the muggle streets but also the pluck, hard work and determination of the British muggle people to work together to survive and conquer the seemingly invincible Nazi war machine of World War II.

In some ways, it made Harry smile to see the example of camaraderie and hard work, especially since the camaraderie of neighbors that he witnessed was a fresh breath of air from the sheep-people of the Wizarding society who seemed to only care about themselves and didn't take any sort of responsibility for themselves or their neighbor.

Harry quickly divested himself of his Wizengamot robes before surreptitiously shrinking said robes and slipping them into his pocket. Then with a whistle and a jaunty step Harry headed down the street.

London in the midst of the Hitler's bombing blitz was surprisingly chipper as everywhere Harry glanced people walked the streets with a smile on their faces greeting those who passed or stopping to talk. A general sense of caring for your neighbor was seen as people would stop their passing in front of a flat to chat with the owners of said flat who were busy prying up the concrete in front of their house to put in a victory garden. The streets of downtown London had never looked so green and colorful to Harry, as the normally drab grey houses had their blackout curtains thrown open to display Union Jack flags flying in windows and the leafy tops of freshly growing leeks, carrots, cabbage, onions and other vegetables peaked out of spots where concrete used to cover the front stoops of houses.

That wasn't the only splash of color that Harry was able to enjoy as he walked the streets in his dapper Seville Road suit. Girls, women, birds or whatever you want to call them were out on the streets. Many of the men Harry's age were at war in Africa or away at the air bases, naval facilities or army camps and facilities that kept the war effort moving forwards. Thus an attractive man like Harry walking the streets in an expensive suit drew many a smile and appreciative look from the women who were out in their poke dotted, striped or solid color flowing dresses and skirts.

"Yes, I could definitely get used to living in this day and age." Harry said to himself with a smirk as he nodded his head in greeting to an especially attractive brunette that passed his way; out of the corner of his eye he noted that the brunette had stopped to turn her head and watch Harry walk away.

Harry stuck his hands in his pocket and just enjoyed the bit of sunny weather as he traipsed down the street until he came to a point where the police, or bobbies as you would call them, had blocked off the street due to what looked like government buildings on both sides of the street having been recently bombed. Harry looked around for a detour, only to see a pub two buildings down and shrugged to himself as he figured now was as good as a time as any to grab a pint.

Harry entered the dark wood covered bar, even though it was the middle of the day the sun didn't seem to overly light the pubs dark interior that looked aged but well cared for. Sliding up to the wooden top itself, Harry hopped up on a high stool that was open as the man behind the taps moved towards Harry cleaning a glass with a towel.

"What'll it be?" The pub's owner simply asked Harry.

Harry smiled back at the man, "Two pints of stout, one to quickly stave off the morning I had, the second to savor."

The man merely smiled at the witty exchange and put the now clean glass on the counter and drew a pint of stout which he set aside to settle before reaching for another pint glass and repeating the process.

"Thank you kindly," Harry stated as he quickly downed the first pint, ignoring the foam that got on his nose, before finishing the first glass with a gulp before setting it down and fishing out a few pound coins and setting them on the bar.

The owner took one of the coins and pushed the rest back towards Harry with a smirk at Harry's look as Harry suddenly realized that the two pints didn't cost the eight pounds plus that he was used to paying for a pint in the future. This made Harry smile larger as he pushed back one of the one pound coins back to the pub's owner with a node while wiping the foam off his nose with the back of his suit sleeve.

Harry was just about to strike up a conversation, when the noise on the street behind him caused Harry and several of the other pub's patron's to turn and look out the window where a Roll's Royce town car pulled up before several soldiers hopped off the back bumper and out of the front seat, only to open the door to the back and let a man in a bowler cap out.

Harry's attention was captivated for a moment as a rather rotund man in a brown tweed suit, cigar dangling from his mouth and cane under one arm exited the car to review the damage to the two government buildings; the crowd on the street immediately stopping and gathering round with smiles to greet the man.

Harry swore he should recognize the man from somewhere, and it was not but a mere moment later that a page from a history book popped into his mind along with the flavor of tobacco and scotch hitting mentally being recalled along with the memory.

"Winston Churchill." Harry stated out loud as he recognized the man from the knowledge Harry's horcrux had eaten… um, regurgitated, um, transferred. Harry smacked his lips to clear the flavor that had appeared as he recalled the information, something that was going to get annoying every time he remembered new information from his Horcrux.

"What the bloody hell is he doing here?" Harry started to say, only to be interrupted by the pub's owner.

"Eh, watch it lad. Be respectful regarding the prime minister, and mind the polite company." The publican nodded to a corner table where two women were eating lunch before giving Harry a bit of a scowl at Harry's choice of words when the women were present.

"Sorry." Harry replied as he blushed a bit realizing that he was definitely in a different era. The simple comment and reply definitely told Harry that he would have some things to think about, as times had definitely changed if women where a reason to modulate your vocabulary in public, and where the British people treated their politicians with respect rather than splashing their affairs and naughty bits across the front cover of their newspapers.

Harry turned back to his drink in thought, not only reviewing what the publican had stated but also trying to get a handle on what else information wise was now shoved into Harry's mind. History, sciences, math, languages and politics, even skills such as wrestling, judo and multiple other forms of martial arts apparently. Hermione was apparently a voracious reader of a multitude of subjects and had stocked Harry's trunk and travel supplies accordingly.

Harry took another big gulp of his second pint, his empty stomach and quick downing of the first pint followed by half of the second was starting to affect him, namely he was starting to feel a bit drunk.

"Heh, drunk… drunken boxing." Harry murmured into his glass as he mentally reviewed another skill that he knew as he went to take another sip of his beer with a smirk, only to get an elbow in the back as somebody shoved into him.

"Hey now!" Harry responded as his drink was almost spilled. Spinning around on his stool he noticed that the pub was filling up and that the Prime Minister Winston Churchill had entered the facility while Harry was thinking; the prime minister had moved down the bar three stools away from Harry's position.

Harry turned towards the man who had elbowed him, only to see a gleam of metal reflected off of the sun filtering through the windows.

Harry reacted without thought, his hand slapping out to knock the metal object, now identified as a gun, to the floor. The gun discharged and the man spun towards Harry with a fist swinging.

Harry seemed to sway drunkenly on his stool the fist passed his ear by a centimeter as Harry leaned way back until his back touched the bar's top only for his leg to pivot straight up between the man's legs and into the assailants twig and berries.

The man bent forward at the pain, only to catch Harry's quickly moving forehead straight on the nose, breaking the man's nose and dropping the man to the floor as Harry wobbled drunkenly before standing up; stepping on the man's two wrists and breaking them at the same time as the man screamed in pain.

Bobbies and army regulars flooded the scene and tackled the assailant on the ground, one of the Bobbies even tried to grab Harry; only to find he too ended up on the floor as Harry seemed to melt through the police officer's hands as Harry suddenly went loose like so much drunken dead weight only to adjust and step clear as the officer suddenly found himself joining the pile on the floor.

"Hey hey! None of that now! The man had a gun." Harry stated, hands raised in front of his face, one of them still holding his partially full second beer. Harry saw the glass still had beer in it, and a big smile spread across his face, then he downed the rest of his brew quickly and almost comically as all around him people scrambled to get the Prime Minister to safety while others worked on securing the downed assassin and his gun.

"Wot, look at this inspector. Never seen a gun like this before." A Bobbie stated as he picked up the firearm and showed it to a suit tweed suit wearing man who rushed in into the pub.

"DWM 1914 Navy Luger, German made and eagle stamped SS issued semi-automatic." Harry mumbled loud enough to be heard, while focusing on tipping back his glass to get the last drop of his beer; not realizing he had just perfectly identified the weapon that had been used to try and assassinate Churchill.

The man in the suit gave Harry a calculating look as the Bobbie merely stared at Harry dumbstruck. The other police officer who had tried to grab Harry earlier moved forward to try and detain Harry again, only to be stopped as the inspector waved his hand.

Of course, Harry missed all this as he was busy trying to get the last drop to leave the lip of his glass and drip into his mouth, tongue stuck out as he shook the glass over his open mouth.

"How about I buy you another pint, Mr…?" The man in the suit asked as the police and soldiers left the pub with the assassin in tow; the prime minister being long gone.

Harry turned to smile at the man while putting his glass down, "Sure! And it's Bond… Harry James Bond." Harry finished while plopping down in his seat again.

"Set my friend and I up with another round would you please Charlie." The man in the suit ordered drinks before claiming the seat next to Harry.

"Sure thing inspector." The man behind the bar replied before quickly setting out two more stouts.

Harry claimed his with a smile, "Thanks." He replied as he took a long pull from his pint before setting it back down. "Merlin that tastes good." Harry added under his breath before going to take another drink.

"Merlin? Hmmm, I was going to ask why you were able to sit around in the middle of the day drinking rather than having reported for the draft. I can tell your able bodied as your little handiwork back there probably saved the Prime Minister's life… now I can only assume that you're not from, how should we say it, around here?" The Inspector stated knowingly, his statement causing the currently mid-drinking Harry to cough and sputter as the statement surprised Harry and the beer went down the wrong tube and then out his nose.

"What!? COUGH COUGH. What do you mean? Of course I'm from around here, um, I'm from Surrey, Little Whinging to be precise." Harry coughed and sputtered to clear his throat as he tried to come up with an excuse so that he didn't violate the statute of secrecy. Harry had already had one run in with the aurors since getting back in time, and he didn't feel like having another one quite so quickly.

"Really now, I find that hard to believe given that the development of Little Whinging was put on hold due to the war effort and a lack of readily available steal and copper for the piping and electrical. I should know, my brother is the developer. Now who are you Mr. Bond, and tell me exactly how it is you were here able to not only take out that assassin but also recognize that Luger pistol, something that most of His Majesty's subjects wouldn't have a clue about." The inspector demanded.

Harry looked at the man and was tempted to leave, but saw several other men in suits perk up and turn their attention towards Harry also. Suddenly Harry realized that perhaps this so called "Inspector" wasn't a mere police inspector but something more.

Harry glanced around at the looks that were focused on him, and in the back of his head he went over his options. A. He could try and obliviate the lot of them and get out. However Harry had never been that spot on with his oblivates and was more likely to botch it up rather than just erase the memory of him. That and the fact that he had accidentally saved the Prime Minister's life would make it hard to forget since several of the officers and soldiers on the scene as well as the Prime Minister had already left. B. Tell the truth… like that would happen; 'I'm a wizard from the future' would probably go over just as well as claiming to be a German SS agent himself. Or, C. Lie. Lie like there was no tomorrow. Lie better than he had ever lied before! Lie like Professor Snape had just caught you going through his personal penseive and you just found out Snape had in fact fancied your Father and not your Mother. In short, lie like your life and sanity depended on it.

Harry shook himself, clearing the mental buzz that was left over from the alcohol as he turned in his seat to address the man with a serious look on his face.

"International man of mystery." Harry stated with a smile, '_Option C it is! Potter luck don't fail me now.' _Harry thought to himself while trying to concentrating on the man across from him; the room was looking a little fuzzy. Harry also blinked his eyes and started questioning when the Inspector's twin had shown up.

That was not the answer that the so called inspector expected to hear.

"What?" The man questioned. Little did Harry know, but at first the man had thought that Mr. Bond was one of those wand carrying magical types, since the Inspector's niece attended Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Then Mr. Bond had to go and say something that was completely out there.

"That's right. I'm an independent man of means just back from traveling the world. You pick up a lot of things when you're forced to travel abroad and keep one foot in front of the not so savory folks." Harry continued, thinking back to his time on the run from the Death Eaters and Voldemort back in his original time line.

"honestly, don't have a home at the moment, but Britain is about as close to home as it gets. Just came back to the Britain to… um, to help end the war." Harry finished, the last part being true, though in fact he had stopped a magical war that wasn't due to happen for about thirty to forty something years and not the one currently affecting the country at the moment.

"Really now, and the Surrey Little Whinging comment?" The inspector said, not sure whether to buy this story or not.

At this point, Harry was just pulling the lies out of his arse.

"Well I had seen a brochure for the development, something about a Privet drive having nice homes and I thought I would look into purchasing one." Harry had to stop himself from cringing and biting his tongue as the mere idea of willingly living on Privet drive nearly made him sick to his stomach. Harry's stomach burbled at the disgusting thought.

The inspector gave Harry a shrewd look, "Do you by chance speak any languages other than English?"

Harry was taken aback by the question, his brain doing a mental jump as he answered without really thinking as information flooded his brain, "Many: German, French, Italian, Spanish, Arabic, Latin and apparently ancient Samarian and some Old Norse dialects." Harry stated, the immediate regurgitation of information also having the effect of flooding Harry's mouth in an upchuck of flavors as if he had just tried, and failed, to swallow a plate full of sauerkraut, old French wine, Spanish seafood tapas, Italian olives and a splash of humus and old sweaty leather all at the same time; along with a side order of highly seasoned rice and meat. By themselves each individual flavor would have been fine, but all at once was not to Harry's liking.

Harry's face suddenly puckered as the information of the languages went through his head, triggering his taste buds to have the sensations of food that would be associated with the languages he had just realized he knew.

"Blech." Harry spat with a disgusted look on his face as he struggled not to puke at the horrible flood of flavors. Harry gagged and hacked before getting it under control. _'Better than polyjuice potion, but only just.'_ Harry thought to himself.

Harry put his hand to his mouth and stifled a burp before turning to the bar and downing the rest of his beer. "Learning by horcrux has nasty side effects apparently." Harry stated to himself as he tried to lick the back of his hand to try and get rid of the vile taste of so many things passing through his synapses.

"What was that?" The inspector looked quizzically at Harry.

"Never mind." Harry replied distractedly. While looking around for something to cut the taste in his mouth. "There has to be something to kill the taste of this crap. Publican, help me out here, please! Something strong."

The owner of the pub gave Harry a confused look, but shrugged and did what he was asked. Grabbing out bottles of vermouth, olives and vodka before pulling out a shaker and giving it a shake with some ice before pouring it into a martini glass for Harry.

Harry in turn smiled in thanks to the publican before downing the drink in one gulp. Surprisingly, the drink was just the ticket to cleanse his pallet.

"Ah, that's the stuff. What was that anyway?" Harry questioned the pub's owner.

The publican shrugged and turned to walk down the counter. His only reply was, "Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred."

The inspector was quick to follow up that bit of interruption with his next question, "And you returned home to fight the war? Not drafted yet are you?"

Harry turned quickly to address the inspector, between the beer and now the vodka on the empty stomach, the world kind of continued moving in the general direction of his head turn even though Harry was pretty sure he was not physically moving. '_It had to be the room, somebody must have installed one of those rotating thing-a-ma-jigs under the bar.' _Harry thought to himself.

Harry nodded, and the room started spinning vertically, "Yep, came home to end the war. Kill the nasty wanker before he could kill any more. And nope, not drafted." At this point Harry shook his head, and the room started spinning kind of diagonally as the nods and the shakes started the room spinning like one of those carnival rides where everybody ends up spinning upside down and every which direction.

The inspector's face took on a grin with just a bit of a wicked smirk to it, "Excellent, the name's Michael McGonagall, and congratulations on being drafted and welcome to the war effort. You now belong to Her Majesty's Secret Intelligence Service." With that, the now introduced Michael slapped Harry on the shoulder in glee.

Harry in turn fell off his stool to the floor, unconscious and drooling. Later if anybody asked, he would emphatically state that he had passed out drunk, and he had not fainted due to the surprise… well at least not entirely.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Eh, it's a chapter. Not the most humorous in the world, but frankly this story has to have some plot movement every now and then, and it can't all be Harry getting brained by his horcrux or accidentally married to Fluer's Veela grandmother and twin sisters when Harry saves them from the Nazi'sGrindelwald. Oh, and as if you didn't see it, Harry pretty much is becoming the person behind the stories of James Bond; vodka martinis and all. Some of it planned and most of it by accident as I will be playing with the Potter "I'm fate's bitch" luck/charm as much as I can. I needed to get a way for Harry to start getting overseas in some capacity other than as a wizard tied by regulations with the Ministry of Magic, and I didn't want Harry to be drafted into the Army. I thought about Naval intelligence, but with the horcrux information dump he would be better served being a one man army/guerrilla force behind enemy lines. You know, ruining the Nazi and Grindelwald's day while saving the girls and sleeping with every beauty from London to Timbuktu. Finally, I write this story for me, I just choose to share it with you. That said, I'd love to hear from you any ideas of trouble Harry should get into with the Nazi's/dark wizards on the continent. Please drop me a review or a pm if you have an idea. Want to see Harry save the daughter of the Tsar from Russia and bring her back to the UK or to the US? Want to see Harry have a battle to the death on top of a speeding train/V-2 rocket/blimp/magical airship/cliff top/battlements of Durmstrang? Help me out here, throw me a bone people! Cheers!**


	7. Chapter 7: In His Majesty's Service

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money off this in any way. That should do it for a disclaimer.

**AN: Wow, just wow. I received such an outpouring of responses that I figured I should write something else while this was in my head. Thanks for the great ideas, I've already drafted some future scenes based on what you sent me or chatted about. I hope you enjoy this chapter just as much. Again, not beta'd. Also I know it's His Majesty not Her Majesty in the 1940's, but when harry is thinking about his past (which is the future) it is Her Majesty, so pay attention to what time he is referring to or at least read my thoughts and not my statements. Confusing enough? Good! Cheers!**

* * *

><p><strong>Parsel<strong>

'_Thinking'_

"Normal talk"

**Chapter 7: In His Majesty's Service **

Tiger Tanaka: "Rule number two; in Japan, men come first, women come second."  
>Bond: "I just might retire here."<p>

~James Bond Movie, "You Only Live Twice."

The walls of the large room were an aged off white, that type of yellowed plaster and paint color that is apparent in so many government buildings that have been used and reused long after the facilities were considered state of the art. Bits of color broke up the monotonous yellowed white walls as maps of central Europe covered almost an entire wall, the maps dotted with multicolored pins and the maps were bordered by large tall slender chalk boards with names and numbers scrawled on them. The room was anything but silent as lines of wooden chairs were filled by a mix of suit wearing and uniformed men from every walk of life and branch of His Majesty's military. The group of men, some smoking, most paying attention, and one sleeping off a hangover were facing the front of the room where Michael McGonagall was in the midst of giving a briefing.

"Welcome to His Majesty's Secret Intelligence Service." Michael smiled as his slight Scottish brogue accented his speech.

"You have been invited here because of your background and skills. Naval intelligence." Michael's eyes drifted over several men in naval uniforms who were seated in a cluster in the back of the room with the grey suited slumbering individual situated in the middle of their cluster.

"Air Marshalls from our reconnaissance and transportation divisions, Army intelligence," Michael nodded and received nods from the denoted uniformed men.

"Cryptology and science division lead Doctor Quirlibatt, who goes by Dr. Q if you don't want to remember his full name." Michael joked and most of the crowd chuckled, including said Doctor Quirlibatt.

Though most of the crowd chuckled, however one individual reacted a bit odd.

"Snort! mmmm, Ginny… you know how I like it… Snore…." The grey suited individual snorted, mumbled loud enough for the room to hear him, then rolled over and laid his head on the shoulder of the naval officer next to him; the blonde naval officer looking decidedly uncomfortable.

Michael McGonagall's eyebrow hitched up ever so slightly before he continued, "Right." Michael paused before continuing, "The rest of you gentlemen are here because your world experience and knowledge of international culture. You have been suggested to us because of your individual skill sets and knowledge, and you will be the ones in the field bringing us the information we most desperately need." Michael stated, looking out through the audience and focusing in on the several dozen suit wearing men, catching their eyes and holding it with a serious look.

"Snore, Hermione? You too?! Mmmm, you always knew me so well… oh, and Mrs. Weasley…" The sleeping individual now hugged the naval intelligent officer close, nuzzling his dark hair into the blond officer's cheek and getting a smirk from the other naval officers who weren't currently being snuggled by another man.

"Right, would somebody wake that him up." Michael commanded.

The blonde officer, aka current teddy bear for the sleeping man, was only too happy to apply his elbow to the ribs of the man trying to snuggle with him.

"OOOUUF!" Harry woke up with a jolt and looked around wildly. Everybody was chuckling too much to notice the wand that had immediately slid out of Harry's sleeve and into his hand. However that was probably because everybody was still focusing on the Harry and his arm that was still wrapped around the naval officer, and not the arm that had dropped to dangle at Harry's side.

"Glad you could join us Mr. Bond, now would you please release Commander Flemming and join us in our briefing." Michael requested, a bit of a smirk on his face.

Harry looked up, to the front of the room, then around him to notice that everybody was looking at him. Which is about the time he realized he was still hugging the man next to him.

Harry turned startled eyes towards the man next to him and pulled his arm away as if it had gotten burned. "Um, uh. Sorry about that. Not interested in blokes, um, Sir. So um, sorry about the hug." Harry started, noting the naval uniform.

The blonde naval officer smirked in return, "Yes, I believe you all informed us that you prefer women, especially a certain Ginny, Hermione and Mrs. Weasley." The officer removed a handkerchief and dabbed at the drool that was on his lapel from where Harry had slobbered in his sleep. "Commander Ian Flemming, at your service, but please don't use me as a pillow next time Mr. …?" Commander Flemming jovially addressed the man who had been sleeping on him, ending in a prompt for Harry to introduce himself.

Harry looked embarrassed and thought about arguing that it wasn't that type of dream, that he was merely enjoying treacle tart that his friends had baked for him, but settled for introducing himself instead.

"Bond, Harry James Bond at your service, and sorry about the shoulder there." Harry replied, a bit of shame induced red tinge creeping into his cheeks as he replied and shook Commander Flemming's hand.

"Yes, and now that is over with, if you gentlemen would please join the rest of us." McGonagall requested with a bit of a smirk on his face, but serious nonetheless about his need for everybody's attention.

"Right then." Michael McGonagall continued when he had everybody's eyes on him. He turned and pulled down a screen before somebody in the back dimmed the lights and McGonagall turned on a transparency projector before putting up an image.

"My name is Michael McGonagall, head of section six intelligence, but I usually go by M for quick use, and this is why you are here today." Michael, or as he preferred to be called "M" pointed to an image of Europe that was mostly colored in with red, a large Nazi swastika situated in the middle of the red and right where Berlin Germany was on the map with another large black dot placed on Rome Italy.

"As you can see, the Nazi's have us on the back foot gentlemen." Michael took out a long wooden pointer and first pointed to Greece and the Yugoslavia.

"I'm sad to say that we are going to most likely lose Greece completely, and Yugoslavia is barely holding out but local resistance is fierce in both; unfortunately axis bombing and aggression is more so." M then swung his pointer towards Norway as an assistant came forward and swapped out the transparency to show a burning oil refinery field.

"Fortunately the March raid of last month in Norway by our commandos was successful, and it was thanks to your information that we were able to carry it out with a minimum of casualties." M turned and nodded to the audience, several men smiled slightly but seriously and nodded back.

"Still, we need to do something about the constant bombing of our home cities and flow of troops and weapons flowing through the Mediterranean to Rommel's forces." At this, the assistant changed out the transparency to show a burning Buckingham Palace that had just been bombed in March of 1941, the previous month.

While this was all going on, Harry had originally been looking for a way out of this mess. He really didn't want to get stuck in the middle of the muggle war, even though his "saving people" urge was tugging on him a bit. It wasn't until the still frame photograph of Buckingham Palace was shown that Harry's attention was really caught and focused.

Harry remembered a time in his childhood, one of those brief moments of happiness while in his younger days while living with the Dursleys, where Harry's school year had gone on a group field trip and tour of the Palace. Harry had been amazed at the large open spaces, the grand rooms and bedrooms a thousand times larger than his cupboard. Being muggle raised, Harry had learned about Queen and Country and had seen the passion with which the tour guides had spoken about England's monarchy and later the symbolism of said monarchy to the country and its people. At the time, the young Harry had felt a swelling of emotion and pride for his country; all the more helped by the fact that Dudley had been cuffed upside the head by a security guard for smearing his fat fingers all over one of the displayed objects in the Queen's dining room. The pride of the muggle country had faded as Harry had been inducted into and lived primarily in the Magical world, and the machinations of the Ministry of Magic had also helped dull any feelings of being loyal to his government. However those emotions of pride and feelings of honor for his nation were brought back to the forefront of Harry's mind as the picture of bombed out Buckingham Palace was shown before pictures of crushed houses and ministry buildings were placed on the projector.

The images also caused flash backs in Harry's mind of the death and destruction that Voldemort and the Death Eaters had caused. The weapons used in the images before Harry were bombs and guns rather than wands and spells, but the damage and imagery was very similar. Harry felt himself focusing on the speech as M continued in detail about the dire situation that the United Kingdom was in at the moment.

"And that is why you are here gents. We need to get the pressure on our forces released any way we can. That's where you come in." With this, Michael signaled for the lights to come back up and the projection screen was rolled up as a wooden portable corkboard with a map was wheeled around to face the front of the room.

The map was of France and a grid had been written on the map large enough for anybody to see. One hundred sections of France had been sectioned off, each numbered section labeled with a big bold black "100" then "099" all the way across and down until you got into numbers such as "010, 009, 007, 006" so on and so forth until "001" was shown as being down in southern France near the Spanish border.

"We need information, and we also need to start getting in touch with any resistance groups possible in these territories. Hopefully if we can provide assistance and training, coordination, to the French resistance movements in these areas then we can force Hitler to focus more troops to holding current territories and thus restrict the flow of forces moving towards the front or towards our boys fighting on the African continent." M explained as the aid moved in with sealed envelopes and set them in a pile on a small table near the front of the room.

At this point, Michael McGonagall stopped, and really looked around the room, capturing each man's eyes with his own.

"Let me state clearly, that what I am asking you to do is purely voluntary, but of the utmost necessity. What we are asking you to do will save lives, thousands of lives depend on the information you can bring us and on the actions you take if you accept this command, but it is voluntary." Michael's eyes looked pained as he continued to speak. Harry recognized a glassy faraway look in Michael's eyes as the man continued to speak, but it was almost as if he was focusing on a long past memory or image in his head.

"I was there in Dunkirk, when we were able to save what men and boys we could before the German's crushed us and chased us out of Europe. Bad information kills, and we were demolished and destroyed because we and the French were so sure that the German's couldn't penetrate our line of bunkers and fortresses." Michael stopped, before an angry glare came to his face and he locked eyes with the first man in the back of the room he came to, which happened to be Harry.

"We were wrong." M's voice rang out in the room, drilling his words into Harry's mind as Harry flashed back to all the bad intelligence and choices that Dumbledore, the Ministry and the Order of the Phoenix had relied upon; information that had gotten so many of Harry's friends loved ones and friends killed before he took his one way trip to the past.

Michael's eyes cleared from the anger, and his voice quieted until barely a whisper. But still, everybody was able to hear him clearly.

"That is why I am asking for your help. We can use you elsewhere if you choose not to volunteer for this service, but we need you desperately here and now in this department. Nowhere else will you be able to have a greater more personal impact than working for section six." Michael finished as he looked around the room. Then with a nod he signaled for the assistant to bring up the lights again fully.

"Alright, if you choose to accept the assignment, come up here and I will give you your packet for the area and call-sign you will assume. Not every sector is to be focused on at this moment, but we have more than enough for you men who are here. Those in uniform or assigned to other duties are here to assist and be your handlers. Come up here if you if you want to help us." With that, Michael McGonagall's speech finished.

Several of the long time agents, the men in suits rather than uniform or already assigned to a task, moved forward to accept their assignment packets. Several suited men looked deep in thought, but nobody left the room.

In turn, Harry stayed seated.

Harry was lost in thought, and he leaned his head down towards the floor as he considered what he should do. A small part of him told him to get the hell out of there and go back to the Magical World, that he had already done enough to protect the country by ending Voldemort and that he should enjoy himself now. However that selfish voice was quickly stifled and pushed to the back of his mind.

He then questioned whether he should even help the muggles, that he was more ready to fight the magical enemies like Grindelwald's troops. However that thought also died a quick death as the reaction from the Ministry and the Wizengamot was such that Harry new nothing would move fast if at all. People were dying, magical and muggle alike.

'_No.'_ Harry thought to himself as he looked down at his hands and clenched his fists, _'I chose to be a Gryffindor for a reason, and it wasn't to sit back idly while others needed me.'_ Harry finished that though with clenched lips and a steely glare as he nodded to himself and stood up.

"What are you going to do Mr. Bond?" Commander Flemming asked from Harry's right.

Harry pivoted his head to look down at the still seated naval commander. "I'm going to fight, like I always do. No sense in getting bored when there are enemies to squash and women to seduce... all in His Majesty's service of course." Harry finished with a smirk as he looked the man in the eyes.

Ian Flemming smiled back at Mr. Bond and nodded, signaling that he approved of Mr. Bond's decision.

Harry pivoted on his foot and moved out of the group of men he was seated next to and up towards the front of the room.

As he reached Michael McGonagall, the department head smiled at Harry and held out his hand to shake.

"I had a good feeling about you Mr. Bond; sorry about shanghaiing you to this meeting while you were a bit under the weather." M happily added as he and Harry shared a firm handshake.

"No problem M, I'm actually really glad you brought me here and are giving me this option. I would have gone bored without the action and absolutely insane if my life wasn't constantly in jeopardy." Harry answered with a wry grin on his face and a twinkle in his eye.

McGonagall laughed, not realizing that Harry was being more serious than not with his quip.

"Right o then. Here is your assignment Mr. Bond." M stated as he handed Harry a folder.

Harry flipped over the packet and read his assigned section and call-sign; it was printed right on the folder in big black numbers.

M clapped Harry on the shoulder and commended him, addressing Harry with his new code name, "Congratulations 007."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Only a little funny, but then this story will have very serious parts in it also. There is nothing funny about some of the atrocities that Harry will be combating, so there will be serious parts also; like this glimpse into why Harry accepts the role and how the names and titles were originally handed out. Hope you enjoyed it. Next time we will see Harry enter the south of France. Cheers!<strong>


	8. Chapter 8: Games Of Chance

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter, and I'm not making any money off this in any way. That should do it for a disclaimer.

**AN: Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha… (Yep, that's the entirety of the author's note… ok, one other note, this hasn't been beta read, so I hope there aren't too many grammatical errors. Anyway, Cheers!)**

* * *

><p><strong>Parsel<strong>

'_Thinking'_

"Normal talk"

**Chapter 8: Games Of Chance **

"Casinos and prostitutes have the same thing in common; they are both trying to screw you out of your money and send you home with a smile on your face."

— _VP Pappy_

Harry had his marching orders, or in this case sailing orders as he was to meet up with His Majesty's Submarine Upright in Liverpool in one week. The HMS Upright was due in the Mediterranean to help halt the flow of fuel and equipment to North Africa, and Harry was going to ride with them to just off the southern coast of France. Until then, Harry had some work to do securing his Horcrux as well as acquiring supplies the muggles wouldn't exactly know about or approve of; somehow Harry figured that the muggles wouldn't understand why he had acquired the pickled hand of a man who had been hung, also known as a "Hand of Glory." Harry loaded up on gillyweed, polyjuice and veritaserum, draught of living death and a few other assorted nasty illegal potions as well as the usual healing potions and kit that Harry would carry when going into a combat situation where injury was more. All together it was decidedly on the shady side of supplies to make/buy, but Harry wasn't really in the mood to care about puny things like the Ministry of Magic's take on "legality".

Then again, the Ministry of Magic also would have been more than a bit miffed at Harry's current actions. For at that moment Harry was deep in the bowels of Knockturn Alley, preparing his horcrux to fight in an underground and highly illegal "Monster-Book of Monsters" fighting ring.

"Ok, so you're ready for this right? The current champion looks bloody nasty." Harry asked his horcrux book while massaging the spine of the book, loosening it up for the fight to come. Across the dingy large wooden room shadows flickered as smoky torches threw shadows through the room as rows of smelly screaming thugs waved bags of galleons and screamed towards a ring of dirt in the middle where a large tome with teeth and googly-eyes was busy shredding a second smaller Monster-book of Monsters.

In reply, Harry's Book snapped its cover open in a blink of the eye, flipping from side to side on the dirty old wooden desk before landing on its stiff pages and then using the pages to dance around the table as if the corners of the pages were little feet. As the new guy, Harry had been assigned a dingy corner to prep his book for the upcoming fight. The night before had been spent dipping the book in some rather disgusting and dark potions designed for crossbreeding magical creatures, all with the idea that it was necessary for Harry's horcrux to be able to better protect itself while Harry was overseas gallivanting through Dark Wizard and Nazi infested territory.

Harry's horcrux, aka "The Book" or "Book" for short, pushed itself off with the strength of its pages to flip right side up and opened to a blank page before writing in reply. "Don't worry about me." The book replied, writing back to Harry as chicken scratch excitedly scribbling across the page.

Harry looked concerned and was about to say something in reply, but The Book continued before Harry could speak.

"Merlin Harry, grow a pair and stop mothering me. I swear, you're acting worse than Mrs. Weasley after we returned to the wizarding world from a summer with the Dursleys. I've got a plan and this shouldn't take more than a few moments. Now get me in there, it's my turn to fight." The Book scrawled back scathingly; writing "said scathingly" just after its sentence to Harry.

Harry huffed and scowled at his book as he picked up the book and pushed his way through the crowd to the announcer. "Fine then, be that way. See if I care." Harry mumbled, "It's not like it's my soul on the line or anything."

The book in Harry's hands squirmed and flipped its cover open to whack Harry in the chest, "Stop whining you big baby, I'm the one fighting. Let me enjoy my moment without you pissing on my parade." It quickly wrote before settling down in Harry's hands.

Harry moved towards the ring and the announcer, stepping over the wooden divide to the shielded off area as the triumphant champion was herded into the opposite corner.

The owner of the underground ring smiled at Harry, missing quite a few teeth and the rest distinctly yellowed, the man was ink stained with big dollops of black gore from deceased monster books of monsters staining his clothing.

"Well now boy, let's have the name of your book so I can tell the crowd who the latest victim… I mean competitor will be." The man cackled, purposefully stressing the word victim with an evil smirk.

Harry was undaunted by the taunt, even though the use of the term "boy" did put his teeth on edge. "Doesn't need a name, I just call him The Book."

"The Book?" The ring master seemed incredulous about the choice of titles before shaking his head. "It has no pizazz boy. No, it needs something more if anybody is going to even think about betting on that measly tome. Put your book down and I'll get the introductions ready while you get out of my ring."

With that, the owner and ringmaster turned his back on Harry as Harry set his book in the ring and backed up.

Casting a sonorous, the ring master put his wand to his throat, "In this corner" The man pointed to the large monster book of monsters that was busy licking the still dripping ink from its fangs "We have Morgana the Monsterous, the queen bitch of the pit!"

The ragged smelly crowd of thugs and scum cheered wildly and money started to change hands with bookies as slips of paper were received in receipt.

"And in the other corner, we have a new comer to the pit. Introducing, The BOOK OF DOOM!" The ring master dragged out the word "Doom" trying to ramp up the energy of the crowd and encourage the betting.

The crowd boo'd Harry's horcrux, but his tome just lay there unmoved by the audiences' reaction.

Harry just shook his head as he stepped out of the ring mumbling to himself, "Now you've done it, called him The Book of Doom and I'm sure he's going to take that for his name from now on."

The bell for the fight Ding'd twice, and the fight was on… that is if you could call it a fight.

The ring master stepped aside, and the reigning champion of the monster book of monsters fight pounced across the ring.

Only to meet a swirling maelstrom of paper as Harrys book opened its pages and turned into a torrential tornado of raging fury.

In short, paper cuts hurt…

The once cheering crowd went deathly silent, and several hardened criminals lost their lunch at the horror.

"The horror, the horror!" The ring master mumbled aghast, staring stunned and not even moving as a dismembered googley eye shot up from the fight and hit the ring master right in the forehead along with a splash of ink.

Grown men cried.

Bastards who would have stabbed their own mother for a knut gnashed their teeth and covered their eyes.

And Harry just shook his head and cringed while muttering, "Ah that's just not right."

With a final "Slurp" and a "Burp" Harry's now dubbed "BOOK OF DOOM" finished off its opponent and let out a mighty growl before shivering.

The sound of crunching bone and popping bindings was accompanied by Harry's horcrux suddenly spouting a row of eight googley eyes of its own, as spikey protrusions erupted from the spine of the book and back cover, suddenly turning into jointed little legs and a spikey tail as the magical crossbreeding potions kicked in and evolved the book.

Harry just shook his head again and stepped into the ring to pick up his now monstrous looking horcrux book, which let out another burp and a puff of shredded paper.

A brief shock shot from the book to Harry's hand as he picked up his tome and left the ring, the audience still silent as a plethora of information on care and breeding of magical creatures entered Harry's mind when he touched the horcrux; along with the distinct flavor of hippogriff manure that now seemed to fill Harry's mouth.

"I hope you're happy now." Harry glared at his book while sputtering at the disgusting flavor in his mouth. His BOOK OF DOOM turned all eight eyes to look up at Harry and growled in reply.

"Don't growl at me, you got your mobility, now it's back to the tent with you." Harry continued to grouse as he exited the ring, grabbed a bag of galleons from a bookie that was looking decidedly sick, and then disappeared away with a pop.

Harry appeared back in his tent behind the shrieking shack while continuing to chide his book, "I hope you're happy with yourself, you could have just stroked its cover from the beginning, there was no reason to get nasty."

The BOOK OF DOOM only looked smug, and burped up a bunch of pages of paper in reply.

"Fine, be that way. I'm off to fight Nazis. Be good while I'm gone." Harry stated while putting his book down on the table in his tent, grabbed his shrunken bags and put them in his pockets while waving his wand at his clothing until it changed into a nice three piece black suit.

"Pttttttttttttttt!" The book in return blew a raspberry in Harry's direction as a newly growing long origami page like tongue shot out from between the pages.

"Yeah yeah, just don't do anything stupid." Harry finished and then disappeared with a "pop."

The tent was silent for a moment as the book skittered on its little feet to look one way, then the other.

Confident that Harry was gone, a decidedly smirkish look spread across the now fanged maw of Harry's horcrux, before said BOOK OF DOOM skittered its way off the table and out the tent's opening… on its way up the hill towards Hogsmead and Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

* * *

><p>"Ten minutes till we reach target area double oh seven, Mr. Bond." A sailor stated, poking his head into the officer's cabin where Harry had been sitting out of the way so as not to get in the submarine crew's path.<p>

"Thank you." Harry responded, taking a glass vial out of his pocket and holding it in his hand as he followed the young submariner out of the birth and down the cramped and short halls towards the ladder that led to the deck of the sub.

A ringing sound started, and a rumbling whoosh echoed through the sub as the lights of the submarine switched to a red color as the sub pumped water out of its ballast tanks and began to slowly rise.

Harry waited patiently, his thoughts on his next actions as the sub rose from the depths and finally settled out to bob on the surface of the ocean. Several submariners quickly tested the airlock, then opened it up and scurried up onto the deck and into watch positions.

Harry's head cleared the opening on the deck and with it he got his first glimpse of the city lights of the French city of Nice only a mile away and dangerously close to the German patrol boat paths guarding the coastline.

"Right this way Commander Bond. We have your wet suit and boat all ready for you." The submariner who had been guiding Harry turned away from Harry and began working on pulling gear out of a locked hatch on the outside of the submarine's tower.

A splash sounded behind the young man, forcing him to turn around with a startled, "What the hell?!" only to see that the deck of the submarine was empty except for himself.

The captain of the submarine poked his head up through the hole in the deck of the sub and snapped at the young seaman in a whispered voice, "Quiet lad! You want to let the bloody Nazi's know we are coming for a visit? Perhaps invite them over for tea?"

"But Sir," The young submariner tried to explain, "It's Commander Bond, He's gone, and without his sea gear."

"What the devil?" The captain turned, and looked around the darkened deck, only the light of the stars dimly illuminating the sea around him yet clearly showing that only the young sailor was onboard; and that the raft and wet suit were still next to the young man.

The captain shook his head, "Well it's not our concern anymore then. Button up and hurry down lad, we have to get underway before more patrols come through the area."

With that, the captain disappeared below deck, and then was soon followed by the thoroughly confused young submariner and the other men on watch.

The sub dived, and the sea calmed, leaving nary a trace that anything had ever happened.

* * *

><p>Forty minutes later, a pair of jade green eyes and a black mop of hair surfaced just off the coast of Nice where a low dock met the water. The eyes looked left, and right, just barely floating above the surface of the water with Harry's nose still submerged as he tread in place just off shore. Then with a smirk, Harry pulled himself out of the water, a pair of gills on his neck just peeking out of the top of his white collar and black bowtie as Harry calmly climbed up a ladder onto the pier and waved his hand over himself.<p>

Now suddenly dry and immaculate, gills vanished, Harry adjusted the bow tie of his tuxedo and smirked as he put his hands in his pockets and deposited the little glass vile of gillyweed back where it had started. Then with a spring in his step, and a whistled tune, Harry was off into the city.

The streets of Nice were surprisingly well lit and lively given the wartime environment. Gas lamps lit the cobbled streets that formed a walkway above the sea wall and along the beach. Windows glowed with internal lights as the inhabitants of the city had no fear of bombing or attack as Germany's Luftwaffe ruled the sky of southern France and was well out of range of most allied bombers of the time. The Mediterranean was mostly controlled by the joint fleets of the Italians and the Germans, so invasion by sea wasn't much of a concern. Though France was ruled by the Nazi's, here on the southern coast of France the beach front city was more a place for rest and relaxation for German troops rather than a warzone of fear and intimidation by the ruling power.

Harry smiled and nodded at a patrol of four German soldiers that marched by, and followed behind slowly as the patrol made its way through the streets and deeper into the city.

'_Hmmm, where to start, where to start?' _Harry thought to himself as he wandered into the city.

Thoughts about trying to find shelter for the night flitted through his mind, but the excitement of being in enemy territory had Harry's adrenalin flowing and he was more interested in seeing the sites and figuring out if he couldn't get in a little fun or trouble before he retired for the night.

Not more than three blocks into the city, Harry's smile turned into a smirk as the Potter luck rewarded him.

The street Harry had been following opened up into a small plaza or square of some sort; an ornate fountain was decked with numerous Nazi swastika flags, all of it prominently displayed in the middle of the square. Across the square, the open doors and windows of a large majestic and well-lit building released the sounds of fun and frivolity just as a grey and black long convertible touring car pulled up; the German cross displayed on the car's passenger doors while twin little Nazi flags waved from the front where they were set above the headlamps. Several laughing officers with the deaths-head of SS troopers on their hats and double lightning bolt "ss" pins on their collars emerged from the car and marched up the white marble steps between two now saluting German guards. The Nazi officers disappeared into the building where the party sounds were originating as the music of a big band wafted to Harry on the still night air. The touring car's chauffer, iron pot helmet in place, drove away and left a nice open path between Harry and the front door.

Adjusting his bowtie, and with a literal sparkle in his eye. Harry put on his biggest smile and walked resolutely towards the party.

"Halt! Zis is a private party for officers and invited guests only." One of the guards stated in German while giving Harry a baleful glare.

"Yah. Vey must see your papers." The second one added harshly, stepping in Harry's way and into Harry's personal space.

Harry's smile only got larger and his eyes twinkled even more as he reached into his pocket and then pulled out nothing but an empty hand which he waved at the two guards.

A burst of techno-colored lights hit both guards right in the face with a combined confundus and cheering charm.

Both guards blinked, and then smiled at Harry with big goofy smiles. The smiles looked decidedly off given the Nazi regalia of black iron helmets, guns, tall leather jackboots and tight grey uniforms with high black leather collars.

"You don't have to see my papers." Harry stated in German to the two guards who immediately began nodding.

"Hanz, I don't zhink we need to see his papers, he doesn't look like he could hurtz a fly." One guard said to the other.

"Yah, you're right Hansel, he looks innocent enough." The other responded

Harry didn't know whether to be insulted or laugh.

Both guards continued to nod along in agreement with the other. One would stop nodding, and then the other would stop, then one would start cheerfully nodding again which started the second guard nodding along like two Nazi uniformed bobble-head dolls.

Harry couldn't help it as a chuckle escaped his lips, both soldiers were apparently higher than a kite due to the power of Harry's confundus charm.

And that's when an evil idea popped into Harry's head, and he knew that Sirius and the rest of the marauders would never forgive him if he didn't take this opportunity to have a little fun and sow a little mischief.

Harry's smile became a wicked grin as he buffed the lapel of his tuxedo with the knuckles of his hand and looked down, afraid that if he looked up at the guards he would lose all control over the laughter that was threatening to spill out of him.

"You know," Harry started, "You don't really look like you two want to be a Nazis, I think you would much rather run away and join the circus or some sort of all male review." Harry suggested.

Both guards stopped their nodding at Harry and then turned to stare wide eyed at each other. One of the guard's jaws dropped open, before he blinked and then smiled at the other guard.

"Yah, you know vhat? I always did think my uniform needed more leather, come on Hansel lets go see if zey others want to start up a kick line." With that, the first guard put his fist on his hip and offered his elbow to the other guard.

The other guard nodded vigorously, "Yah, zhat ust a great idea Hansel. I've always thought zat you had zey most beautiful eyes and tightest rear end." With that, the second guard daintily took the elbow of the first, and Harry shook his head as the two Nazi guards goose stepped away arm in arm while staring deeply into each other's eyes.

Harry laughed, "Repressed much? Oh well, they should be happier now." With a shrug, and his eyes still twinkling, Harry turned and made his way into the party.

* * *

><p>It was a casino.<p>

Ok, so the interior was a casino, a bar, a dance hall and lounge all in one, and it was full of Nazi soldiers; well Nazi soldiers and attractive women. A few men in suits with Nazi arm bands, the collaborators who helped to assure that the continuation of German rule, also circulated in the crowd. For the most part however it was full of enemy troops, and Harry was the only man in the establishment without some sort of paraphernalia that connected him to the ruling Nazi military or quisling government.

Harry shrugged to himself, smiled and nodded to an attractive brunette selling cigarettes, and then moved towards the bar for a drink.

"Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred." Harry ordered in French to the man behind the bar. The bartender looked at Harry strangely, but complied and served Harry his drink.

Harry nodded his thanks to the man and then turned his back to the bar and leaned against it while he looked over the room.

The walls were all a mix of marble and dark wood, and the areas where tapestries had once hung were now bedecked with large red, black, and white banners baring the Third Reich's swastika. A large painting of the Fuehrer, Adolf Hitler, held a place of prominence on one wall of the lounge. All together, It didn't do much to the décor in Harry's opinion, but then again, he wasn't the decorator type nor of the belief in German innate superiority.

Through a hallway to Harry's right he could see the dance floor, the band stand showing a full big band of horns, woodwinds and stringed instruments being played while men and women waltzed around the dance floor.

To Harry's left was the main entry way to the building where Harry had entered, a large grand staircase led to an upper floor, the marbled stairs carpeted with a thick red carpet that was held in place by gold clips that were bolted into the marble.

And in front of Harry was the gambling establishment. Harry smirked and pushed off from the counter to saunter into the gambling room while sipping his drink.

Harry paused in the doorway.

The normal tables of craps and roulette dotted the room in front of him and were all quite busy. A few tables of card games were also present, but almost all of them were full. Almost all of them, except for one table that had a gorgeous looking blonde bombshell in a tight figure hugging white dress sitting next to a straight backed and rather intimidating man with a shiny bald head, monocle, and a flowing almost robe like German officer's uniform. It was the combination of the allure that Harry felt pulling him towards the table yet the fact that not a single muggle soldier seemed to be able to see the girl that told Harry that this wasn't your normal Nazi soldier on leave with his girlfriend.

Well, that and the fact that the German soldier's red arm band had the symbol for the Deathly Hollows emblazoned on it; the black triangle, circle and bisected by a line or wand. It was Grindelwald's symbol, and when Harry put two and two together, he came away with four and figured the table was under a muggle repelling ward.

Add to that the fact that the dark wizard had an incredibly dark scowl on his face, the man's right hand seemed to be claiming ownership of the blonde's wrist next to him, and it looked like the wizard didn't want to be disturbed… all of which of course ensured that Harry just had to go over and say "Hi!"

Harry sat down at the table without even looking at the dark wizard or the blonde, both who startled at the sudden visitor to their table.

"I would like to put this much money into chips please." Harry addressed the dealer in perfect German before turning to face the blonde and wink as he took five large stacks of German Deutschmarks with Hitler's face on them and slapped them on the table. The money constituted the entirety of the money provided to Harry to run his spy operations in area 007, and Harry hadn't quite figured out the reality of inflation between 1940's and 1990's nor foreign currencies when taking into account how much money he had just laid on the table.

The blonde blushed, and the dark wizard actually growled, while the dealer stammered.

"S-s-Sir, this is one hundred thousand Deutschmarks, are you sure you want to exchange this much?"

Harry just turned and smiled at the dealer, "Really now? That much? Eh, no worries, it's not like its real money now is it, what with the funny faces of muggles on them and being made from paper. No gold coins or galleons here, isn't that right my dear?" Harry turned and addressed his last statement to the blonde who was emitting the allure that bounced harmlessly off his oclumency shields.

The blonde was silent but blushed a deeper shade of scarlet as her deep blue eyes looked back at Harry. Any attempt for her to respond was stifled by the rapidly purpling dark wizard gripping her wrist tightly as a vein began to throb in the man's forehead.

Harry smiled at the man and silently ramped up the speed of the sparkling in his eyes controlled by the charm he had stolen from Dumbledore. Merlin knew how annoying that damn eye twinkle was, and it seemed to work in this case as Harry was now able to count the raising tempo in the man's heartbeat as the dark wizard's forehead vein throbbed.

Acting totally oblivious, Harry turned to the dealer while clapping his hands together and rubbing them greedily as the entire amount of his money provided for the mission, "funny money" as he thought of it, was exchanged for chips.

"So, what game are we playing?" Harry switched into French with a perfect Parisian accent, doing so just to keep the others at his table off guard, and causing a perfectly manicured eyebrow to lift on the Veela who sat down the table from Harry.

"Baccaratte Sir." The dealer answered as he dealt out the cards.

As soon as the dealer stated the game, the rules for baccaratte flooded through Harry's mind thanks to a book of card games and Hermoine's most eccentric choices in reading; said book eventually eaten by Harry's horcrux and subsequently forcefully transferred to Harry's mind.

Harry grimaced and smacked his lips as unfortunately the knowledge of how to play the game was accompanied by the taste of stale alcohol, cigar smoke, and his tongue felt like the dirty fuzz on the cheap upholstery that was used in some off-strip Las Vegas casino.

Harry smacked his lips and took a long sip from his vodka martini to kill the taste in his mouth.

"We wish to be left alone." The dark wizard growled in German, though the veela looked like she would like anything other than to be left alone with the man.

Harry merely smirked over the lip of his drink and responded in the same language, "Well then you shouldn't just ward your table against muggles. Besides, everything is full and I don't feel like moving." Harry finished with a wink at the blonde again, which caused said unnamed blonde to giggle while the dark wizard growled again.

Harry ignored the wizard, laid down his chips, looked at his cards and won the hand after the dealer played.

By this point the dark wizard was nearly apocalyptic with rage.

"Do you know who I am?" The dark wizard struggled not to shout at Harry.

"Nope," Harry responded flippantly.

"I am Victor Von Doomcough, left hand to Grindelwald himself." The wizard pompously announced while puffing up his chest.

Harry couldn't help it as he was drinking his martini at the time, but the wizard's name caused Harry to snort his martini out of his nose and over the irate wizard in front of him.

"Cough, Cough, I'm sorry, did you say your name was Dummkopf?" Harry sputtered in between choking on the burning sensation from the vodka coming up the wrong way. In the back of his head, Harry was thinking that wizards always had the most interesting names, especially when dummkopf was pronounced doomcough and basically meant "idiot" in German.

"No," the man gritted through his teeth, "Doomcough."

Harry smirked over the lip of his martini glass as he paused before taking a sip, "And the left hand of Grindewald himself huh?" Harry again responded in German.

The dark wizard seemed to puff himself up pretentiously, as if the mention of Grindelwald should scare Harry into compliance.

"Yes, the left hand." The German growled menacingly.

Harry's smile only grew larger, "Interesting, did you know that in some cultures the left hand is used solely for wiping ones rear end after defecating? Interesting tidbit that, don't you think."

The blonde couldn't help it and released a giggle, while the Doomcough blinked and flushed pale before purpling up again at the fact that Harry had basically inferred that he was Grindelwald's arse wipe.

"Anyway, my mistake on the pronunciation of your name Herr Doomcough." Harry smiled back at the man, and then the silent blonde who Harry could see was trying not to laugh. "Sorry, my mistake."

Doomcough could only growl, "Well see that it doesn't happen again Mr…. you didn't give us your name."

Harry laid down about a fourth of his chips on the table while also noticing the hint of greed in the other man's eyes. "Bond. Harry James Bond. Shall we play?"

Herr Doomcough only sneered, and didn't introduce the blonde.

"Yes, let's play Mr. Bond. I will be the bank first since you are playing at my table. Chemin de Fer Baccarat rules Mr. Bond. With that, Von Doomcough signaled for the dealer to start again."

Harry ignored his cards, barely looking at them and instead smiled and stared right back at the glaring dark wizard, all the while mentally varying the pattern of twinkling in his eyes to cause the most distraction and annoyance.

First the eyes twinkled left to right, as if a serious of Christmas lights dancing down a strand.

Harry won the first hand, the dealer dealt again and still Harry barely looked at his cards.

Now Harry's eyes were doing some sort of discordant strobe effect, randomly twinkling that looked like the stars in the sky or some off-tempo dance club.

The German wizard got angrier as Harry won again without seeming to care about the cards in his hand.

The Blonde started to fight to keep the smile off her face as Harry winked at her, only for his eyes to start twinkling in Morse code to send several sexually charged messages about what Harry could do with his parceltongue.

The blonde didn't know why Harry was smiling at her, but something in the look made her blush and look away.

The German growled, and Harry's attention turned towards him, Harry's eyes now spelling out every German curse word that Harry knew through the twinkling Morse code in his eyes.

Unfortunately, this german wizard actually knew morse code…

"How Dare You!" Herr Doomcough thundered while jumping back from his seat and sending the chair clattering to the floor behind him.

"What?" Harry asked innocently, while simultaneously his eyes twinkled out in a series of dots and dashes to Von Doomcough, "Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries."

"I will have your head Mr. Bond!" The dark wizard started to growl while reaching for his wand, only to be interrupted as a sergeant wearing SS regalia, with a pin that had the deathly hollows on it clasped at his throat, rushed up to the table and grabbed Von Doomcough by the arm and rapidly started to whisper in the dark wizard's ear.

Von Doomcough's face paled dramatically, and he turned and yelled at the sergeant, "They are doing What!?"

The sergeant looked distressed and worried, and leaned forward to whisper so that only Doomcough could hear again.

"A Conga Line!" Doomcough shouted in anger while glaring at the sergeant. Doomcough had yelled loud enough that his voice briefly penetrated the temporary anti-muggle ward and several muggle officers looked at Doomcough before going back to their cards.

"Yes Sir, A conga line. Unfortunately while wearing only banana hammock bikini briefs, with swastika's on them, and their jackboots, Sir." The sergeant looked decidedly uncomfortable with what he had seen and what he was now having to report.

"AAAAAAGH!" Von Doomcough gave out a roar of rage and stormed away from the table, the sergeant trailing along behind.

Harry blinked, and then smiled even more as he watched Von Doomcough rush out of the room.

"Um, you win again Mr. Bond." The dealer stammered, pushing more chips over to Harry who merely shrugged and gathered them up before turning to the blonde.

"So now that we are alone my dear, what's a Veela like you doing with a waste of magic like von Doomcough the Left Hand of Grindelwald?" Harry packed as much insinuation as he could into the words doomcough and left hand, and he was rewarded by a musical laugh and smile from the blonde who rubbed her wrist where the dark wizard had been grabbing.

"Is that your idea of a pickup line Mr. Bond?" The Veela questioned with a slight smirk that just seemed to make her look even more gorgeous.

"That depends," Harry stated quietly as he leaned forward across the table towards the blonde, forcing her to lean forward so she could hear him better, "Is it working?" Harry's last part of the statement was made with a matching smirk to her own as his head was now only a few feet away from hers, the twinkling in his eyes gone, leaving her baby blue eyes to look deep into Harry's deep green orbs.

The blonde blushed and looked away from Harry's intense look.

"Now now, none of that," Harry reached out a hand and carefully rested it on the blonde's wrist, sending a pulse of magic through his fingers and into the red handprints on her arm and healing them in an instant.

The veela shivered at the tingle of magic that shot up her arm and startled to looked up into Harry's eyes as the marks on her flesh instantly healed due to his wandless magic.

"Let us start again, I'm Harry, and what is your name mademoiselle?" Harry stated kindly in French with a perfect Lyon's accent , a warm smile on his lips.

"Dominique, Dominique Delacour." The blonde now named veela stated softly.

Harry blinked, as it suddenly went through his head that this veela was possibly related to the Fleur and Gabriella Delacour of his original timeline. That conclusion made more sense since he had heard Fleur once talking to her then boyfriend Bill Weasley about possible children's names and her wish to name a daughter after her grandmother.

Harry's momentary shock passed with that blink of the eye, and he favored Dominique with a handsome smile, "A beautiful name for a beautiful woman." Harry pulled her hand towards him, then looking up into her eyes as he bowed his head, he lightly kissed the back her hand.

Dominique blushed again and looked away, but did not pull her hand out of Harry's light grasp.

The dealer at the table realized that the duo were not going to be playing any more baccarat, so politely excused himself from the table while offering to cash Mr. Bond's chips for him.

Harry nodded, not caring one way or the other about the money at the moment.

"Again I ask, why are you with stuck with a man like Doomcough, he obviously mistreats you, and excuse me, but you are far too pretty to be with him." Harry looked to Dominique for an answer.

Dominique looked away silently, but when she turned back to look at Harry, he saw tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

"He has my sisters, and my cousins. He controls their fate, so I must do what he says." She seemed to be holding back the tears only just.

Harry frowned, and he sat back and quickly looked around, just as the Dealer returned with several bundles of money for Harry.

Harry just pocketed the money, the large bundles of deutschmarks disappearing into a pocket that was clearly too small to fit the large bundle of bills. With that, he stood and gently tugged Dominique to her feet with him.

"Where can we go so that we can talk in private?" He questioned while pulling a handkerchief from his inner breast pocket of his tuxedo; now hyper alert as he lost the cavalier attitude and switched into a more "Harry the hero" mentality.

"I have a room upstairs," Dominique mentioned while dabbing at her eyes with the offered handkerchief.

Harry offered her his elbow and the two left the casino and headed back to the main hallway, ascended the stairs and walked down the long hallway on the upper floor until they reached a large sturdy looking wooden door.

Harry didn't wait for her to unlock the door, rather tapped the handle with his finger which flashed as a silent alohamora unlocked it at his touch.

Shepherding Dominique into the room, Harry moved through the room quickly checking to make sure they were alone, he even opened the large bay window and looked out the back onto the balcony that led to a garden; the garden was patrolled by soldiers, some of them with dogs patrolling alongside.

A flick of his wrist saw his wand come out of his wrist holster where he quickly flicked it at the doors, walls, ceiling and floor to make sure they were secure and that he wouldn't be overheard. Then he turned around, only to find Dominique standing right behind him.

Sheathing his wand, Harry rested his hand on her shoulder, "What do you mean Doomcough has your sisters and cousins?" He spoke to her in French.

Dominique started to tear up again, but a squeeze on the shoulder from Harry's hand seemed to strengthen her, so with a big intake of breath and steeling herself, she answered as she reached up and took his hand.

Dominique guided Harry towards the bed and sat down, pulling Harry to sit beside her.

"Doomcough runs Grindelwald's Gestapo in France, which in turn controls Beaubattons School. Now whereas the boys have all been forced to join Grindelwald's army,mMy sisters and cousins all go there." She choked up briefly, but a squeeze from Harry's hand and a caring look as he gazed into her eyes helped her continue her tale. "Though they are young, they are all Veela… I fear if I do not do what Doomcough says..." At this she broke off, choking back tears as she insinuated just how foul Doomcough and his men were to possibly think of violating her teenaged sisters.

Harry pulled Dominique into a hug, stroking her hair and rubbed her shoulders as she cried silently, giving her his strength.

Harry hated to see girls cry, he never was very good with how to deal with it. Whether it was Hermione crying in the bathroom, or Cho Chang crying when he tried to kiss her, nothing in his experience really taught him how to solve the situation. Well, killing the troll had helped for Hermione's situation. And it was with that though that led Harry to know what he had to do. There was one thing that Harry was good at, and that was being a hero.

"There there, no need to cry." Harry stated, pushing Dominique back until he could look at her face and he used his handkerchief to dry her eyes.

Dominique's eyes dried quickly, and due to her veela magic no puffiness or redness was left behind; even her makeup looked perfect.

"I'll tell you a secret, I'm here to fight Grindelwald. I'm here with British intelligence, and I can save your sisters, cousins and all the rest of the students at Beubattons."

Dominique blinked, as the resoluteness of Harry's statement hit her.

"Do you mean it? You can save my family?" She questioned, bright blue eyes wide open and looking back at Harry.

Harry nodded, his sincerity and resolve clearly displayed on his face and in his eyes.

"Absolutely, I won't fail you." He answered, his honesty clearly understood.

"Oh Mr. Bond!" Dominique half moaned, half cried in delight as she tackled Harry backwards onto the bed and began to kiss him passionately about his face in joy.

The kisses started on his cheeks, but quickly went to his lips.

Harry startled, but then quickly got into the kiss that seemed to only grow in passion.

With a flick of his wrist the lights turned off in the room as he thought to himself, "This sure beats the last time I kissed a crying girl."

After that, the only sounds coming from the room were the moans and screams of passion.

* * *

><p>Three hours later, Doomcough returned to the facility and marched straight for the door to Dominique's apartment where he attempted to open the door, only to find it locked.<p>

"Dominique! Open this door! I know he's in there! Open this door this instant!" The Dark Wizard prefaced each word with a blow of his hand against the door, making it rattle.

"I'm going to kill that Mr. Bond and You with him if you don't open this door immediately!" Doomcough's wand slipped from his holster hidden up his sleeve, and he pointed it at the door, ready to blast it open, only for the door to open on its own.

Dominique poked her head out the door while wearing a robe, her hair slightly tousled but looking beautiful in that "I don't care" type of look that models spent hours trying to perfect, but which Dominique gained naturally.

"Herr Doomcough, what is the matter?" She innocently asked, blinking her bright blue eyes at him in a fair impression of a cute puppy.

Doomcough didn't answer, instead he forced his way past her and into the room, only to see that it was empty.

Going to the closet, he threw it open, only to see Dominique's prodigious collection of clothing and no Mr. Bond. The bathroom ensuite was also similarly empty.

Moving back into the room, Doomcough noticed the early morning breeze off the ocean was ruffling the open window that led to the balcony.

Pushing through the curtains and out onto the balcony, Doomcough looked around, only to see that the only people in sight were the guards that still patrolled the garden below with their dogs.

Growling in defeat, Victor Von Doomcough glared at Dominique and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him on his way out.

Behind him, he didn't notice the new piece of jewelry that Dominique sported. A tiny charm bracelet on her wrist that sported a little golden snitch. A snitch that was inscribed in tiny French words that spelled out, "When it is safe, say my name." A portkey to freedom.

Dominique smiled as she rested a hand on her lips that Mr. Bond had kissed on his quick flight out the window. In the distance, highlighted by the moon behind him, Harry waved from his position on his broom before turning and darting off into the night, on his way towards Beaubattons.

In her window, Dominique sighed and leaned against the balcony's threshold. "Oh Mr. Bond." She moaned.

Harry was on his broom, flying full speed towards Cannes. He had a school of impressionable highschool aged girls to rescue.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And there you have it, hope you enjoyed it. Like most authors state, I've been busy. Working hard but tired of traveling so much for work, I'm looking for some new opportunities and that takes up most of my free time. Anyway, I wish you all the best and hope you are still enjoying the story. Cheers!<strong>


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